This is part four of the series, “Boxes that Hold Group Members Captive.” This series of blog posts are taken directly from the unedited version of the book that will be out summer 2012, A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic.
As I’ve mentioned each day…There are some very important reasons that a small group leader needs to be aware of the boxes that hold group members captive, 1) the only way they will be set free is if a small group leader knows what those boxes are and aids in freeing the small group member being held captive, 2) because we live in an age of very attainable information, many small group members will realize that some expectations are heaped upon them by someone other than God and rebellion will rear its ugly head, 3) when a small group discusses some issues, a small group member may push back hard, and sometimes, they should. Today…the Family Lineage Box.
The Family Lineage Box has been in play from the day of one’s birth. Realizing this box exists and that it may have the most positive or most negative affects on one’s heart is vital to the transformation of small group members. The family lineage box includes those attitudes and actions that were birthed by family members who played a role in the life of any person. Experiences, expectations, and statements that shaped us are what crams us into the family lineage box.
Dan B. Allendar, PhD, put it like this, “The cast is sometimes obvious – our parents, siblings, spouse, mentors, abusers, and friends. But sometimes, an important role is played by a grandparent we barely knew or a person, a family secret, who stands in the shadows offstage. We are defined by the people in our lives.”
The family lineage box is filled with statements like, “Men never cry or talk about their feelings.” “We don’t ever discuss what goes on in this house to anyone.” “There are two things people never talk about, religion and politics.” But the family lineage box may also include things as trite as how to dress when one goes to church.
Family lineage boxes are what hold many small group members captive forever. No box has a grip on us like this one because no other box is as apt to demand we remain silent more than this one. It demands silence lest we hurt those who have loved us the most and believe they may never love us again if we step outside of the box or reveal the secrets held in this box.
