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Teaching Group Members to Deal With Conflict

Conflict happens. We live in a fallen world and so… conflict happens. It happens in your household, it happens at your church and, if your small group members are being honest and authentic with one another, it happens in your small group.

Great small group leaders aren’t asking, “Will conflict happen?” The question they’re asking is, “What do I say to group members when conflict rears its inevitable head?” Many books have been written on conflict and how to handle it. In fact, I find that suggesting the latest book is often more in vogue than directing group leaders to what the Bible’s guidelines.

BE PROACTIVE

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  (Romans 12:18)

Paul wrote a letter to the church in Rome. We know it as the book of Romans. This book is filled with doctrinal stuff. In fact, it is the guidebook concerning how to be right with God… righteousness. If you were to look at the outline of the book of Romans found in the NIV Study Bible you’d see these outline headings… 1) The Unrighteousness of All People, 2) Righteousness Imputed: Justification, 3) Righteousness Imparted: Sanctification, 4) God’s Righteousness Vindicated. The book of Romans is a doctrinal treatise on relationship with God… until you get to chapter 12.

When you get to chapter 12 this is the heading… Righteousness Practiced. In chapter 12 Paul tells the community of Christ followers HOW to live righteousness. The ESV version of the Bible uses the heading “Marks of the True Christian.”

Verse 18 simply states, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  (Romans 12:18) The first thing every group member needs to know and embrace is that they are responsible to do all that they can do to reconcile the relationship. They need to take the lead when there is conflict between them and someone else. Why? Because, in doing so, what depends on them has been accomplished. If you can get your group members to live up to this first step expectation, they are well on their way to taking the next steps in the reconciliation process.

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rhowerton@churchleaders.com'
Rick has one passion… To see “a biblical small group within walking distance of every person on the planet making disciples that make disciples.” He is presently pursuing this passion as the Small Group and Discipleship Specialist at LifeWay Church Resources. Rick has authored or co-authored multiple books, studies, and leader training resources including A Different Kind of Tribe: Embracing the New Small Group Dynamic, Destination Community: Small Group Ministry Manual, The Gospel and the Truth: Living the Message of Jesus, Small Group Life Ministry Manual: A New Approach to Small Groups, Redeeming the Tears: a Journey Through Grief and Loss, Small Group Life: Kingdom, Small Group Kickoff Retreat: Experiential Training for Small Group Leaders, and Great Beginnings: Your First Small Group Study, Disciples Path: A Practical Guide to Disciple Making. Rick’s varied ministry experiences as an collegiate minister, small group pastor, teaching pastor, elder, full-time trainer and church consultant, as well as having been a successful church planter gives him a perspective of church life that is all-encompassing and multi-dimensional. Rick is a highly sought after communicator and trainer.