Phase III: Consolidation and Resolution. This final treatment phase involves learning to live life as a healthy, whole person. During this phase, survivors might choose different relationships, work environments, or even change churches, recognizing as they have grown, their needs have changed. Counseling in this phase will not be as specifically trauma-focused.
Tips for Dealing with Spirituality
Helping survivors navigate complicated spiritual issues can be daunting. Discerning if, and when, spiritual resources should be used in counseling and developing a theology of suffering yourself are essential.
Carefully discern when to use spiritual resources. I have had Christian survivors defiantly state that if I suggest we pray together or pull out my Bible, they will walk out of my office and never return! They are not ready to totally give up on their relationship with God, which is why they chose to come to a Christian counselor. However, they are angry and confused and want to put Him on hold for the time being. Our job is to pray on our own (implicitly vs. explicitly) for such counselees outside of the counseling room and wait patiently for God to work. In these situations, we become the face of Christ. When, over time, we have earned their trust, God may be viewed as trustworthy, too.
Develop a theology of suffering. We all suffer, but the suffering of survivors is profound. As counselors, we need to think through our theology of suffering so we can address the questions they raise, as well as come to grips ourselves with why God allows such pain.
SASs often ask, “Why didn’t God protect me?” and may be angry at Him for not stopping the abuse. If their perpetrators were their fathers or a father-figure, survivors may view God the Father as punitive or judgmental rather than a source of compassion, love, and forgiveness. Giving space for such expressions of doubt and carefully choosing when to challenge bad theology are important.
SASs can easily identify with the powerful emotions expressed by the psalmist who often railed at God when he perceived the Lord was not there for him. A good place to start is with Psalm 22, 23, 88, and 89.
Another passage of Scripture that speaks to the experience of survivors is the heartwrenching account found in 2 Samuel 13:1-22 of the rape of Tamar by her half-brother, Amnon. Tamar pleads with Amnon, saying, “Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace?” (v. 13). Her shame is palpable. So are her depression and despair. We are told that Tamar put ashes on her head, tore her robe, and “went away, weeping aloud as she went” (v. 19). Sadly, her abuse impacted the rest of her life, as she “lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman” (v. 22).
Is There Hope for Perpetrators?
With God, all things are possible. However, the reality is the recidivism rate for perpetrators of sexual abuse is high. Most treatments are not very successful. Not all, but many perpetrators have been victimized themselves. If they work through their own trauma, my experience has been they are better able to own what they have done to their victims and no longer have the need to reenact their own trauma by sexually perpetrating against others. However, many are not willing or able to admit to their own victimization.
