Practical Marriage Counseling: What You Really Need.

Marriage Counseling
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Building a Stronger Connection

Sharing your feelings and understanding your partner’s emotional world builds a stronger connection. It’s like when teammates know each other’s strengths and weaknesses so well that they can anticipate each other’s moves and support each other effortlessly. This doesn’t mean you need to have deep emotional talks all the time. It’s about knowing that when things get tough, you both have the skills to deal with it together.

Putting It Into Practice

So how do you put this advice into practice? Start small. Pay attention to your own feelings and try to express them simply and honestly. Listen to your partner without jumping to solutions right away. Remember, it’s about understanding each other better, not fixing things immediately.

Over time, you’ll find that this approach doesn’t just apply to your relationship. It can improve how you interact with everyone around you, from friends to coworkers. And while it might feel a bit foreign at first, the benefits—like a stronger, more supportive relationship—are well worth the effort.

Let’s Talk About Sex

When it comes to matters of the bedroom, differing levels of sexual desire between partners is a common issue. However, the solution is far from a simple equation of one partner conforming to the other’s level of desire. Instead, it’s about delving deeper into the underlying causes of this mismatch and crafting a sexual relationship that both partners eagerly anticipate and enjoy.

Understanding, Not Conforming

The instinct might be to think that the partner with lower desire just needs to “step it up.” But this approach can lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, and even deeper disconnect. It’s essential to understand that desire is complex, influenced by a myriad of factors beyond just physical attraction, including emotional connection, stress levels, self-esteem, and past experiences.

Unpacking the Emotional Suitcase

Sexual desire doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It’s intertwined with how safe and connected we feel in our relationship. Are there unresolved conflicts or emotional barriers that might be dampening desire? Sometimes, the lack of desire is a symptom of deeper issues that need to be addressed, such as past traumas, current relationship dynamics, or even personal struggles with body image or self-worth.

Communication Is Key

Open, honest communication about sexual needs, preferences, and fears can be incredibly vulnerable but also incredibly rewarding. It’s about creating a safe space where both partners feel heard and validated. This dialogue isn’t just about airing grievances; it’s about exploring desires, fantasies, and what intimacy means to each of you. Through this process, couples can discover new pathways to pleasure that respect both partners’ comfort levels and interests.

Redefining Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is more than just the act of sex. It encompasses the entire spectrum of physical and emotional closeness. For some, it might mean holding hands, kissing, or cuddling. For others, it might involve exploring new forms of sexual expression that both find fulfilling. The goal is to expand the definition of intimacy to include all forms of connection that bring joy and satisfaction to both partners.

Building Together

Creating a mutually satisfying sexual life is a journey that both partners undertake together, one step at a time. It involves experimenting, adjusting, and sometimes even compromising. The aim is to find a middle ground where both partners’ needs are met, and sexual intimacy becomes a source of joy and connection, not tension or dissatisfaction.

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Josh Spurlockhttps://joshspurlock.com/
Josh Spurlock MA, LPC, CST, has a BA in Biblical Languages and a Masters in Counseling. He is a licensed professional counselor (LPC), holding licenses in Missouri, Colorado, and Florida. He is also a certified sex therapist (CST), Level 2 AEDP therapist, and an ordained minister. He is an advanced practice clinician, with over 10,000 hours of clinical experience. He specializes in marriage counseling, sex therapy, family counseling, and works with executives, pastors, business owners, and ministry leaders.

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