Research on emotionally focused couples counseling shows that 3 out of 4 couples (~73%) who engage professional relationship counseling reach a place of satisfaction with their relationship.
Approximately 70% of couples engaging in therapy report staying together after an affair and of these couples approximately 50% state their relationship is stronger than it was before the affair. (Getting Past the Affair).
The process of feeling better normally takes 18-24 months, but in the scope of the next 20 years of marriage, it is a short investment of time. The choice is really up to you. In our experience as therapists, when both spouses engage in therapy and work hard, they have stayed together.
The Right Way To Heal After an Affair
Similar to cleaning out a gunshot wound, there is a process for healing when an affair occurs during a marriage. Putting duct tape over the wound may make the blood stop from oozing out of you for a few minutes, but will not heal the wound. In the same way, there is a process for helping couples and individuals to navigate the aftereffects of an affair so that they can move on and have healthy, functional, and fulfilling lives moving forward.
Millions of people have experienced affairs. Fortunately, because of this, there are materials and trained professionals out there to help couples to navigate through the pain of affairs. You may feel as though you can make it through by yourself, but there is a better and more effective way to move past the pain. Seeking professional help to assist you personally or to help you and spouse navigate through the pain may be essential in helping to heal.
A trained therapist will help you to recover from the affair and will help you to navigate through the trauma. Therapy will also help you to understand what happened and why. Lastly, it will help you to make decisions of where to go and what to do during each stage of recovery.
REFERENCES
- Snyder, D. K., Baucom, D. H., & Gordon, K. C. (2007). Treating infidelity: An integrative approach to resolving trauma and promoting forgiveness. psychologist psychologist, 12. [1]
- Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1997). Reconstructing marriages after the trauma of infidelity. [2]
- Lebow, J. L., Chambers, A. L., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. M. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family therapy, 38(1), 145-168. [3]
- Gordon, K. C., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2005). Treating couples recovering from infidelity: An integrative approach. Journal of clinical psychology, 61(11), 1393-1405. [4]
- Learning to Love Again After an Affair – The Gottman Institute
- AffairRecovery.com – First Steps Bootcamp
This article originally appeared here.
