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10 Things Not to Say to a Worship Leader

1. “Worship was great this morning!”
I always want to respond with…“How do you know? Did God already get back to you on that?” but I know what they mean. They meant that I looked incredibly sexy and jumped around a lot, and they felt warm fuzzies.

2. You took me to the throne and back!”
This was said to me once as a 23 year old, and I immediately knew that I would make out with this girl in the near future.

3. “The way the songs fit the message was powerful.”
Actually, they probably took zero account of the message. Just wanted you to repeat the Woah Oh’s back to them. And you did not sing them back as loud as the crowd on the live album. So you are a disappointment. But thanks anyways.

4. “What kind of guitar are you playing?”
99% of the time, it’s a Taylor. Trust me.

5. “You know what. You look a lot like Hootie. Do you ever get that?”

6. “Were you only wearing socks on stage?”
This means they were wearing TOMS. And this also means their feet smell. Really Bad.

7. “The second song of the set…Where can I find that song?”
Just go download Hillsong United, FEE, and Tomlin. You should be covered.

8. “Is the girl singing BGV’s on your left single?”
No. She is probably the pastor’s wife.

9. “I noticed your rosary. Are you Catholic?”
Instead, ask us what Forever21 we got it at. Then ask us the Stations of the Cross.

10. “Can you teach my 5th grader guitar lessons?”
a. No. We really don’t know how to play guitar.
b. We will say yes, then probably stand you up, and your child will be crushed.

You’re welcome.