5. Be Incredibly Poetic.
If you can, muddy the waters with poetic phrases that don’t make much sense. Example: “Your love is like a warm summer’s breeze, washing over my heart like a crystal river.”
6. Use Well-Worn Musical Progressions.
If you can, keep your music and melody boring. I would suggest you use no more than four distinct notes in a song, so by the time someone is done listening to it they want to scream.
A worship scream, but a scream nonetheless.
It also helps if you use the chords G, C and D over and over.
7. Defend Your Song Like It’s Your Firstborn Child.
Do not, I repeat, do not let anyone make suggestions for improvement.
Tell people God laid the song on your heart. Tell people you really want to preserve the artistic integrity of the song. Tell people you already did the song at your campus ministry and a revival broke out.
Don’t take advice from anyone.
There you have it. Seven ways to write a terrible worship song. You can thank me later.
What else would you add to the list?
