If you’re looking for a way to break up with your worship pastor/leader, a way to quit the worship team, there are (apparently) six common options for the big break up.
1. Stop showing up. I’ll eventually get the hint. And let all my phone calls go to voicemail and emails go unanswered. The longer we delay the follow-up conversation, the less awkward it will be. I promise.
2. Ask a friend on the team to let me know that you won’t be playing/singing anymore. I enjoy this one. It gives me that 7th grade feeling all over again – like when I got a ‘Dear John’ note from my first girlfriend, delivered by her friend to my friend.
3. Email. This—in our tweeting/texting/Facebooking culture—counts for deep, meaningful interpersonal communication. This mode of break-up also allows you to go into detail about why, especially adding advice on how I can do my job better.
4. The written note. Surprisingly less cold now in our digital age, it shows extra effort to actually handwrite a message. And see #3, because this has many of the same options as emails – except adding links. It’ll be a little tougher to get me to read that Christianity Today article that “would really help our ministry.”
5. The phone call. This is good. I can ask follow-up and clarifying questions. I can hear some inflections in your voice and maybe catch what you’re not saying. I might even try to talk you out of it. (But honestly, I probably won’t–we’ll get to that in Part Two.) And next Sunday, when we’re both waiting outside the 5-year old class to get our kids, it’ll be a little less awkward. Especially if you end the phone call “we can still be friends.”
6. The Face-to-Face. Ours is a too-busy-to-talk culture, socially stunted by technology. Making things even worse is a Churchianity-sanctioned passive-aggressive niceness coupled with a clear “don’t judge me” mentality. So anytime someone comes and talks face-to-face, it’s like a Sasquatch offering me a ride on a unicorn. I’m going to climb aboard and hang on tight to Big Foot, ‘cuz this ride that doesn’t happen too often.
If this list sounds a tad jaded, it’s because I just received a #3 today, complete with the advice. I’m going to process this over the next week. Then I’ll return with Part Two offering worship pastors/leaders a little perspective (and hopefully more grace) as I walk through the fine art of being dumped.
