The Truth About Emotional PORN

Most of our efforts of prevention, accountability and recovery are primarily directed towards the more overt temptations of men when it comes to sexually-oriented pornography. There’s software to install on your computer, men’s groups to attend and thousands upon thousands of Christian books and articles written on the subject. Yet, the souls of many women are silently suffocating under the unrealistic expectations and unhealthy ideals culturally acceptable, and the emotionally deceiving means entertainment is projecting on them — and we just don’t talk about it. As a matter of fact, we write it off in the exact manner our culture wants us to … as nothing more than fun, light-hearted entertainment.

I am well aware that many women struggle with sexual pornography and many men struggle with unrealistic emotional fantasies, but by and large our culture aims to pierce the eyes of men with visual images and pluck the hearts of women with sentimental ideals.

So, if sexually-oriented pornography says to men, this is what sex should be like with a woman, then emotionally-oriented pornography says to women, this is what love should be like with a man. For example, women are led to believe that a young, good looking, physically fit bachelor can be both perfectly sensitive and staggeringly strong for 25 women who are pining for his affection (really for his ring). For weeks, Hollywood producers portray a figurative man in a fantasy environment and catch millions of women up into a fairy tale world that could not be further removed from reality. The point is not for viewers to fall in love with this character, but to fall in love with the idea of him, and to fall in love with love all over again in a highly glamorized way. Horse back riding on exotic beaches, helicopter trips to far away islands, penthouse suites at the most luxurious resorts. Like unrealistic depictions of physical beauty on a magazine cover, these are but airbrushed depictions of romance and love.

This is what love should be like with a man, so they say. Innocent fun on one hand? Maybe. Dangerously manipulative on the other? Absolutely. It’s training women to emotionally operate in their imaginations. What happens when the real life of the single girl longing for love, the newly married wife surprised by the difficulties of being married, the tired mom feeling worn out and unfulfilled, or the empty nester wondering where the passion went over the last 30 years — what happens to their souls as they sit on the couch engaged in a fairy tale story that in no way resembles their current reality? Comparison, disappointment, disillusionment, resentment. Always the case? No. Like pouring gasoline on an open fire? Probably. And when you play with fire, someone eventually gets burned.

The goal of pornography is to skew reality with fantasy, and in the end, cause us to ask one simple question: I wonder what it would be like if ___________? For men, the fill in the blank is obvious. For women, it’s much more subtle. I wonder what it would be like if I was married to him? I wonder what it would be like if my husband was that emotionally available to me? I wonder what it would be like if he were that successful? I wonder …