A Christmas Skit for Any Size Church

christmas skit
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MP: The opposite of that.

SW: What’s the opposite of th—?

MP: Ooh! And angels! Angels coming and going all over the place! And a musical number!

SW: You mean, like Broadway?

MP: Bigger!

SW: (Sarcastically, to herself) Maybe I’ll just have the angels do the big musical number.

MP: That’s perfect! (His eyes get big, like the greatest idea of all time has hit him, then he speaks softly and deliberately) Listen to this … It. Splits. History. In. Half.

SW: (Looks at him like he’s crazy, then down at her screen like she’s given up) So you want a feel-good, family, love story, arthouse, political, costume drama, horror, escape, disaster-that’s-not-a-disaster, supernatural, musical, historical epic (searching through the laptop screen) … with animals and angels. … (sarcastically) Anything else?

MP: (Calmly) Peace.

SW: (Rolling her eyes) Uh, yeah. Peace, man.

MP: (Seriously) No. The story. It brings peace to the whole world.

SW: Of course it does.

MP: What would it take to do all that?

SW: (Sarcastically) You mean, aside from like, a billion-dollar budget?

MP: (Not catching the sarcasm) Yeah. Aside from that.

SW: OK … this is Lord of the Rings territory now. We’re talking three to four huge books, five to seven movies, maybe a theme park … we’re practically creating a new religion here.

MP: Oh no! We’re not doing that. The last thing the world needs is a new religion.

SW: OK … it’s nice to know you draw the line somewhere. But I gotta tell you, I don’t see how any of it will make sense in the same story …

MP: Well, work on it and get back to me in a week.

The screenwriter leaves the stage.

SCENE 2: One Week Later

The Movie Producer is in his office, talking on his phone again. He is now behaving rationally.

MP: Thanks Doc. I’m feeling a lot better now. You’ve helped me so much this past week. This is my first day back in the office since my … episode. I’m waiting on a screenwriter to come in. I think I scared her a little last week and I need to apologize. Then I’ll take that overdue vacation, like you recommended.

The screenwriter enters holding a sheet of paper. She’s excited, but not in a crazy way.

MP: (Into the phone) Oh, here she is. Gotta go. Thanks Doc. (He ends the call and turns his attention to the screenwriter) Hello, miss. … You know I never did get your name. (as he reaches out to shake her hand)

SW: (So excited she doesn’t notice his outstretched hand) Never mind that. Here! (She hands him the piece of paper)

MP: Uh, what’s this?

SW: It’s our screenplay! And I have to say, I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written!

MP: (Looking at the page, turning it over to see it has writing on both sides) You mean this … this … single piece of paper is a screenplay?

SW: Yep! And it’s all there!

MP: What’s all here?

SW: Everything we talked about! (She gets giddy as she says this) It’s a feel-good, family, love story, arthouse, political, costume drama, horror, escape, disaster-that’s-not-a-disaster, supernatural, musical, historical epic (pauses for a breath) with animals and angels!

MP: Uh huh. … (Pulls out his phone, turns his back to her and speaks quietly into it) Security, I have a code red. (He turns back to her) Listen, last week when I had you in here, I wasn’t exactly myself. And I may have said some things that were a little bit … I don’t know …

SW: Crazy!

MP: Well, crazy is a little strong …

SW: Oh, no sir. You were crazy. Then I started thinking about it and, I don’t know … something just came over me and I started writing it. Please sir, I know this sounds …

MP: Crazy?

SW: Fair enough. But just give it a read, please?

Two security guards show up. The producer points them to the screenwriter.

MP: (Condescendingly) Sure … sure I’ll read it. But for now I have a couple friends here who are going to take you to see another friend of mine, OK?

The security guards take her by each arm and start to lead her out.

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Karl Vatershttps://www.karlvaters.com/
Karl is the author of four books and has been in pastoral ministry for almost 40 years. He is the teaching pastor of Cornerstone Christian Fellowship, a healthy small church in Orange County, California, where he has ministered for over 27 years with his wife, Shelley. Karl’s heart is to help pastors of small churches find the resources to lead well and to capitalize on the unique advantages that come with pastoring a small church. Karl produces resources for Helping Small Churches Thrive at KarlVaters.com, and has created S.P.A.R.K. Online (Small-Church Pastors Adapt & Recover Kit), which is updated regularly with new resources to help small churches deal with issues related to the COVID-19 crisis and aftermath.

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