3. A toxic person tells rather than waiting to be asked.
Naturally, we all have opinions that are valid. But in a healthy human relationship, we reserve opinions about others until someone asks us to share them.
A toxic person rarely does. Toxic people volunteer them (see #2 above). If someone tells you things all the time unprompted, it’s a sign of toxicity.
(In really close relationships, it’s natural to volunteer opinions. But you do this with humility, respect, and concern for the person.)
4. A toxic person wants to be the center of attention.
Toxic people hijack conversations. They never ask questions. They want to get involved too soon.
Also, a toxic person tells you what they’re an expert in. They tell you what they think.
They tell you about their amazing track record. And they tell you about their accomplishments. They demand your attention. Truly healthy people wait to be asked.
5. You hear from a toxic person far too often in the first month.
Often a toxic person, because they want to be the center of attention, will try to get on your calendar soon. They’ll email you, call you, ask for breakfast, and try to figure out how they can ‘help’ or be influential early on.
Again, most great leaders wait to be asked. They have the humility to be obscure for a while and serve rather than want to be served.
6. A toxic person has a track record of moving around.
Usually, a person who comes on that strong has a history of moving around.
When I’m picking up some of the other signs, I’ll ask a question such as “Tell me where you’ve gone to church over the last few years.”
Often people will tell me about 3 or 4 churches they’ve been to (flag) or about a major schism they were a part of that caused them to leave their last church (big flag).
Hint: If someone left 5 churches in the last 5 years, they’re probably leaving yours too.
What Do You See?
If a person displays one or two signs, that may not demonstrate they’re toxic. But if the person displays 5 or 6, it’s fairly good evidence you might be dealing with a toxic person.
So what do you do with someone like this? For starters, put up clear boundaries. Don’t let a toxic person become involved in your ministry. Watch carefully. Usually, if you don’t give them influence, the truly toxic ones leave.
And if, after watching them for a few months (true character is revealed over time) you realize you’re wrong (which I have been), then you can invite them to participate.
This article about warning signs of a toxic person originally appeared here.
