There’s a funny tension here. Simply dismissing regret, which seems to be the pop-psychology soup du jour, is merely narcissism with a happy face. And it’s not, ultimately, helpful. Yet, being shackled by our regrets is a top goal of the evil one, since it’s the polar opposite of the life of freedom God made us for, and Christ saves us to.
So what should we do with our regrets?
First, I have to name them, with brutal honesty, and grieve the loss or hurt or pain or compromise they created.
This is confessional stuff, and often requires asking for forgiveness. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 7, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.” Ah, yes, confession and repentance lead to freedom.
But there’s often a mess to clean up, the natural consequences of our actions or inactions.
Sweeping those under the proverbial rug causes the regrets to linger around, often for years. Don’t confuse this for penance, but the freedom lovingly given us by a God who could have designed things otherwise has a necessary antecedent: consequences.
Finally, the failures of action or inaction that lead us to regret provide us – with the right mindset – the best learning lab in life.
Maybe you’re not like me, but I learn exponentially more from my failures than I do from my victories. Of course, this requires a choice on my part to turn over the rock in my soul and stare at the scary, squiggly things that live there. If I can face these nasties, I have an opportunity to learn. And with the help of the Holy Spirit, I put myself in the stream of transformation.
God doesn’t want me to live a life of regret. But I can’t pretend they don’t exist. I have to face them square on and push into and through them to the freedom offered on the other side.
