2. Set a good example
Chances are, if your leaders have been serving in the youth ministry for some time, they need a paradigm shift as well. If your ministry isn’t very relational, this is something your leaders have to learn. Start by giving a good example yourself and do this consistently.
3. Train your leaders
Like I said, you may need to train your leaders in how relational youth ministry works. Some leaders seem to get this intuitively, but others really don’t. Invest time in showing them what relationship building with students looks like, why this is important and train them in the practical skills they need to become more relational.
4. Focus on relationships
Once your leaders are on board, talk about how you can make your youth ministry more relational. Once again, this is very dependent on the context in which you’re operating, but here are some ideas:
- Release your leaders from any and all obligations except building relationships with “their” students. This sounds radical, but if relationships are the focus, then let your leaders actually focus on them.
- Eat together before every small group session, it’s a great way to get to know each other better and to catch up.
- As youth pastor, host a dinner for a few students every Friday and invite other students each week.
- Focus on getting to know the names and make sure your leaders do too.
- Make your youth services shorter by half an hour and spend this time as “catching up time” where students can talk to each other and to leaders.
- Make sure leaders talk to students at youth group activities, not just to each other.
- Cut relationally passive activities and exchange them for more active activities where leaders and students really get to know each other better.
- Start your small group session with relationally oriented awareness questions so the group can get to know each other better.
- Train your leaders in the basis of pastoral care and counseling and encourage them to talk with students about their issues and problems.
- Meet students where they are, whether at home or in the mall or at sports games. Cut down on activities with the whole group to make time for this if you have to.
- When planning camps or retreats, create enough downtime so there’s time and opportunity for talking.
- Cut some high-energy activities, like crazy games, and plan more relaxing moments.
- Make your youth services more relational by making them interactive and participatory and less consumer-oriented.
- Create opportunities to serve together with small groups or with the whole group—it really brings people together.
- Respond to signals students give about problems they’re facing and train your leaders to do the same. It’s crucial that students feel seen and heard.
- Be attentive, send texts, social media messages or physical cards for important occasions like birthdays, exams, getting a driver’s license, passing tests, etc.
These are just some ideas, but I’m sure with prayerful consideration with your team, you can come up with a lot more that fit your youth ministry.
How relational is your youth ministry right now? Do you have a clear vision on how to get it to become more relational?
