5) Confess your sins.
Another way to exasperate children is to never admit that you are wrong. This is also a sure-fire way to show that grace is not real in your life. When you mess up—admit it, confess it, ask forgiveness. This is just normal Christianity. It does not undermine your role as a parent, it actually enhances it with and by grace.
6) Let kids grow up.
As a dad with three girls, I regularly fight the challenge to keep them all playing with dolls and polly pockets. I hate the thought of guys noticing them or (worse) them noticing guys. However, by God’s grace, I need to let them grow up. I need to shepherd them through these next 10 years in a loving, helpful, careful and thoughtful way. Just as it is irresponsible to let them go do whatever they want, it is irresponsible to lock them up in a tower like Rapunzel.
7) Have real conversations and answer the hard questions.
As strange as it sounds, talking is often hard. It often gets shelved with our busy work schedules, life events and the overall busyness of life. But these conversations are so important in the development of the child in the home. They are also important in the establishment of trust and closeness between the parent and the child. There need to be tough conversations about ethical issues, sexuality, politics, parenting, etc. As parents, we want our kids to have an opinion on these topics—don’t we want them to be formed and shape what we believe is right and true?
9) Keep your promises.
Years ago, my wife noticed that we often told the kids we were going to do something (get pizza, go to the park, etc.), and then something came up and we cancelled it. We decided that in order to train them to keep their word, we would not cancel commitments unless it was absolutely necessary. If we promise to do something, then we will, as the Lord wills, do whatever we can to make it happen. This breeds consistency and trust.
10) Show affection.
Affection is the physical expression of love and acceptance. When I hug my kids, I am reaffirming my love and acceptance of them. I am telling them that at that moment, everything is good between us. I am for them. I love them. This is so important for the ongoing restating of love in a home. In our house, we hug and kiss a lot. I believe it is actually more than a habit. I have had a child squeeze me tighter than normal, and then I ask them how things are going only to get into a discussion about something that was bothering them. The opposite is also true. A casual, formal hug is usually a sign that something is wrong. Affection is a blessing within a family to communicate this love and acceptance. Don’t miss this daily opportunity to say it.
11) Pray a lot.
A few years ago, I wrote a post titled “Pray Like You Can’t Save Your Kids, and Parent Like You Can.” Be relentless on your knees for your children. Carry them to the throne of grace daily as you petition the sovereign and good God of the gospel for mercy. This is because parenting is so hard and the stakes are so high. We must pray. This is hard work. It is, however, the work of faith, the work of dependence and the work of love. It is gospel work. It is Christian parenting. And I guarantee you will not be wasting your time.
Conclusion: Embrace Your Stewardship
A lot of what is written above takes time and effort. These are two things that we often don’t have. As parents, we sacrifice these on the altar of personal convenience and comfort. This is reprehensible when we remember that our children are really not our children. They are the Lord’s children; we are stewards. It is our job to be found faithful as stewards. In this light, time and effort are not optional—they are mandatory.
At the same time, I know parents who have done everything talked about on this page (and more) only to have their child walk away from God after they graduate. They were faithful parents, but their child chose to walk away. Making disciples is not like making a cake: You don’t just add ingredients and time, and then voilia! We rely upon the grace of God to be at work in the lives of people.
When we consider our son graduating from high school this weekend, I know we have not done things perfectly. I am a sinner who has been selfish and lazy. However, by God’s grace, we have a son who can stand at the door, and we can say that we can walk away. We can let him walk out and do his thing, confident that he has been loved and trained by us and God. This brings me great joy as a parent.
