Home Youth Leaders Articles for Youth Leaders 7 Suggestions for Parenting Adult Children

7 Suggestions for Parenting Adult Children

Pray. Pray like crazy for your adult kids. Intercede for them. You don’t even have to tell them you are—although occasionally I suspect they’d like to hear it—even if they act like they don’t. In fact, when you’re tempted to worry about them—pray for them. It’s far more powerful and one of the best ways you can influence them.

Remember you were once this age. That’s a key. Remember what it was like to be their age. You wanted to explore. You had dreams. You were scared at times. Confused. Not sure what steps to take. Some days you were just trying to hold it all together. You didn’t know everything. You were still learning. (Hopefully you still are.) You got aggravated at parents at times. And those parents got aggravated at you. Remember? Try to identify with them by remembering you at their age again. You can influence them better if you can identify more with their season of life.

Keep the door open. Always. As soon as you close the door—when you draw hard lines on the ground or place strict rules upon the relationship—it will be much harder to open the doors again. That doesn’t mean you have to let them take advantage of you. There may be some non-negotiable issues, but let those be rare. Be generous with grace and forgiveness. Remember, you’re trying to develop a long-term opportunity to influence them.

Love them more than their life. You may not love all the decisions they are making. You may even think they are making a mistake. Again, if there’s an open door to share your insight—share it. I find writing a letter is sometimes the best way, especially if communication is strained. But the fact is, again, you are not raising—you’re influencing. And they may or may not accept your influence. So, love them—generously and unconditionally—more than you love the decisions they are making with their life. And make sure they know how unconditional your love is also. It will guard your influence—if not now—in the future.

Guard the heart. Yours and theirs. You want to protect the opportunity to speak into their life for years to come. Be careful making statements or doing things you may later regret.

Hopefully, if influence is protected—if they can understand your intentions toward them are good—you can speak into their life—from your success, your failure and your experience.

I’m still learning, so what insight do you have for me—those of you who have had adult children even longer than I have?