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Generation to Generation: Dating Relationships

Each week we’ll be writing about different ways that we, as leaders, can effectively be examples to our students, and we’ll discuss different topics to talk over with our students. These topics range from relationships to being active in a small group. All of these topics are nuggets every leader can apply to his or her life. It’s our hope that you’ll check back to see what next week’s topic is, and that you can apply what we’ve learned in your own life as a fellow volunteer youth worker.


“I will confirm my covenant with you and your descendants after you, from generation to generation. This is the everlasting covenant: I will always be your God and the God of your descendants after you.” Genesis 17:7

Today’s blog topic is talking to students about dating relationships

It’s important as youth group leaders that we have open and frank discussion with students about dating relationships. We need to talk to them about the importance of dating a “believer”, setting boundaries, and making sure that they keep Jesus first in their lives, and in their relationship. How students act and re-act in dating relationships in their teen years can follow them for the rest of their lives. We need to insure that students know the importance of a healthy, Godly dating relationship.

Matt: If we teach students about good, healthy dating relationship habits now, those habits will follow them throughout their lives. With my small group of high school teen guys, we have had some very frank discussions about sex, about the definition of what sex is, the consequences of sex, how extremely important it is to date a believer as well as how important setting boundaries is in a dating relationship. We’ve talked about what the Bible says about pre-marital sex.

If you’re dating a believer, it makes the relationship a lot easier when the other person understands how important it is to you to keep biblical principles in your relationship, how important regularly attending worship is, and the importance of keeping God first in your life. Unbelievers don’t quite get that, and it makes it easier for you to stumble and do something you regret later.

The other thing we have talked to our guys about is keeping God first in the relationship. If you cut God out, if your girlfriend becomes first in your life than your relationship is in trouble as is your relationship with God.

Steven: To me, this topic is interesting to write about because I come from a junior high ministry background. Although they’re not as common in junior high as they are in high school, dating relationships still happen in the junior high setting. What does “dating” look like for a junior higher? We joke about a boy’s mom taking him and his “girlfriend” to a movie, then calling mom two hours later to pick them up. While that sounds funny to us, these relationships are very real to the students that are involved. A lot of times they don’t really understand the fact that these relationships they’re starting probably aren’t going to lead to marriage, or even past Tuesday, but junior highers don’t think that far in the future. They think about what is going to make them happy NOW.

Unfortunately that can get a lot of students in trouble. They can wrap themselves up too much in the instant gratification that they eventually don’t even think about the end result, nor do they care. Sure, there will be some exceptions to this rule, but for the most part, 12 and 13-year-olds are just going to do whatever makes them happy at that exact moment in time. That’s why so many junior high relationships last for just a couple of weeks, days, or even hours. This way of thinking can lead people on the wrong path, and as leaders we need to make sure to instill the right attitude and values about dating and romantic relationships at a young age.

One of the things my small group co-leader and I are constantly telling our boys is that dating relationships in junior high are really just time-wasters. It sounds kind of harsh, but let’s be honest; how many people do you know married their “junior high sweetheart?” It just doesn’t happen. Also, remind them not to rush into things. One thing my college pastor has said that really stuck with me is that out of all the couples he has counseled, he’s never heard anyone say, “I wish we would’ve moved faster in the relationship.” The most important part is to keep God in the center of everything, including relationships. Are junior highers going to completely avoid dating just because we tell them to? Absolutely not! At least if we build a solid Christ-based foundation in their lives, they will make the right choices when it comes to choosing how to act when their relationships get real.