Modesty, Yoga Pants and 5 Myths You Need to Know

#3 Myth of Modesty: Men don’t care what I wear.

Oh, they do. They care.

Why else would we care so much? Why do we place such value on being told we are pretty or beautiful by a man? Why do we spend half an hour getting ready before a date?

Because men DO care what we wear, and we know it!

Men care so much what we do (or do not) wear, they are very conscious of it at all times.

While the level may differ man to man, the concept remains the same: extra skin, extra form, extra cleavage or extra leg will draw either subconscious or conscious attention from them. They are designed as visual creatures (we have had this taught to us many times over, have we not?), so a visual stimulant catches their eye.

On an innocent level, men simply like pretty things.

My brothers notice when a girl looks put together. My dad has commented on movie actresses who are classy and well-dressed. Mr. M has commented to me that a passing woman’s dress was pretty.

They like pretty things and they like when we wear them.

Because of this, we have a great power. We have the power to draw their eyes toward us for one of two reasons:

  1. For the appeal of their desire based on revealing enough of our bodies to entice them; or
  2. To appear attractive in personality as reflected in how we dress.

This leads me to my next point.

#4 Myth of Modesty: Lust is HIS problem.

Lust is a rampant problem in the church and in our culture. Most often lust is addressed with men, but it is also a major issue in the lives of women. It simply looks different for women than it does for men.

In Myth #3, I listed two ways we can turn a man’s head:

  1. For the appeal of his desire based on revealing enough of our bodies to entice him; or
  2. To appear attractive in personality as reflected in how we dress.

Don’t think I can’t relate with a desire for attention. I am acutely aware that there are certain items I could wear that would draw Mr. M’s attention to my body, and I would be flattered by it. In fact, I would relish the attention and be affirmed that he found me desirable.

Note: Appreciating beauty is not the same as lust. A man can find a woman attractive, beautiful and lovely without her body being the sole focus of that attention. Lust is a desire for that which is not ours to have: the body of a person who does not belong to us. When a man ogles a woman’s chest, legs or derriere, he is focusing on the parts of her that are not his, and yet he takes them visually and mentally, cheapening the woman and demeaning himself. That is not appreciation: That is lust.

Manipulating a man’s attention for the purpose of affirmation is how women are tempted to lust.

Case in point: Eve.

“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” (Gen. 3:6)

Eve was given to Adam as his most trusted companion. She was also the most perfect beauty ever to be created in the body of a woman. You can bet her beauty served her well as she asked Adam to taste-test the forbidden fruit!

Eve thought the fruit of the tree was useful and pretty, but also desirable.

“For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.” (1 John 2:16)

When I give into my desire to for a man’s attention, at the expense of his endeavor to honor God, I am giving in to the lust of my flesh and encouraging the lust of his eyes.

I am also expressing pride by ignoring God’s command for ‘decency and propriety’ since I claim to worship Him. I am becoming Eve.

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Phylicia  Masonheimer
A recently married 20-something, Phylicia works full time as a liaison between youth pastors and university recruitment. She writes at her personal blog Phylicia Delta, where she addresses issues that face young women in today’s culture. Her passion is spiritual and practical discipleship for teenage girls, college-aged women, and new brides. She is graduating with her bachelor’s degree in Religion in May 2015 through Liberty University and resides in Central Virginia with her husband, Josh. In her spare time, Phylicia enjoys road trips, biographies of the Founding Fathers, and really good coffee.