Three Scenes: The Open Secret in Christian Adoption Circles and Why It Matters to the Church

But what about the decidedly more uplifting, aspirational message they presented to the attendees in Scene 1? Was it all a ruse? Not at all. They meant every word of it. And none of the deep pain and frustration expressed in Scene 2 would change what each of these adoptive families knows they have been called to do. They love their children. They choose to love them with everything they’ve got. It would just be so much easier if they didn’t feel like they were doing it alone.

But no matter how much they talk about their need for the help of the community around them, the help doesn’t come. Are they not being vulnerable and transparent enough? Should more of the pain and frustration of Scene 2 bleed over into Scene 1? Perhaps, but doing that without harming their kids is a tall order. And it’s hard to explain to church friends that a single day without swear words can be a miraculous cause for celebration.

Scene 3 — One Year After the Adoption Event (This Is a Hope for the Future)

The same leaders gather to compare notes and take inventory of the Christian adoption movement. They remark to each other that they look rested, maybe even that some of them have a spring back in their step. Amazingly, each one has a story about how their home church assigned a small group of people to “wrap around” their adoptive family. One notes that a lady from the congregation, an “empty nester,” has begun bringing a meal every week to help their family have more time to simply connect over dinner. Another explains that two teenage boys from the church youth group now take care of their lawn twice per month so that Dad can spend time with their most troubled son—and that extra investment of time is really paying off. Another leader talks about a couple from church, without kids at home, that has expressed a genuine interest in her four kids and has started coming over once a week for three hours so that she and her husband can spend some quality time together-alone. In each situation, supportive individuals and families are praying regularly for these adoptive families, and the adoptive families can feel the power of those prayers.

The consensus in the group is that, yes, they’re doing pretty darn well, all things considered. They feel the love and support of their church communities in practical and tangible ways. And more than ever, they are committed to their mission of making sure that every “holding-it-together-by-a-thread” adoptive family can say the same thing.