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Confessions of a Nagging Wife

God redeems our independence.

But God saves through Jesus. He changes hearts through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Those days of my quarrelsome ways are, for the most part, behind me. God is changing me. God is changing my husband. And my God, who never changes, redeemed and is redeeming my fierce independence and my quick tongue.

Oddly, there is great freedom in what the world calls limiting.

In my redeemed, submitted-to-Christ marriage, I am free—free of the fear of failing at roles God never intended for me to play, free from burdens God never intended me to bear. And when I stopped demanding my voice be heard and my opinions considered, my husband turned to hear my counsel even more. Because my words were now void of self and filled with the Spirit.

I still have moments of relapse. For some of us who are mothers, our nagging is an unconscious failure to turn off our mom switch.

Most of my days, I’m reminding someone to do something.

“Brush your teeth.”

“Clean your room.”

“Get ready.”

“Finish the science project.”

“Put your dirty dishes up.”

And on and on and on.

When my husband re-enters our environment at day’s end, my “mommyness” can overpower.

So here are five effective habits I’ve learned along the way. Keep in mind that this list may be equally challenging for men, as these are not just women’s issues, but human issues:

1. Watch what you say and how you say it.

In sin, I say words I shouldn’t. I choose harsh words, destructive words. I speak before I think, and my mouth reveals my heart.

Other times, my words lack provocation, but my tone gives me away. At our house, we joke that while we all may not speak in tongues, we can, unfortunately, speak in tones.

If you struggle with word choice, tone or both, when speaking to your husband, ask Jesus to sanctify your mouth and take every thought captive (2 Cor. 10:5). If your mindset leans toward critique, think on the good things about your husband and your life in Christ (Phil. 4:8).