2. Look for any truth.
If you can avoid the heart-crush that comes with criticism, you’ll be able to grow from it.
I had to train myself to do this, but these days I look for any truth that might be present in a critic’s comments.
If you can get past your instinctive tendency to defend, rebut and dismiss criticism, you’ll grow from it.
Maybe your sermon wasn’t horrible, but perhaps you weren’t as clear as you might have been.
Maybe you weren’t quite as ineffective in the meeting as your colleague said you were, but perhaps you could have done better.
Look for the truth, even in the most scathing criticism. Even pray that God would show you the truth.
If you want to grow as a leader and a person, analyzing criticism for truth can help immensely.
If you want some tips on responding to your critics directly, I share my top five tips for having a critical, conflicted conversation here. All five skills are transferable to directly responding to a critic.
3. Have an honest conversation with someone who’s for you.
Many leaders suffer from mirror-distortion syndrome. What’s that?
Well you know when you look in the mirror and you’re actually thin but you’re convinced you’re fat, or you’re actually overweight but you’re convinced you’re thin? Few of us have accurate self-perceptions.
That’s why great friends who are for us are so helpful.
You may or may not be able to spot the truth in a critic’s comment, but a good friend can do it for you.
Instead of starting with a question like, “Hey, did you think I was overbearing in that meeting?” (which would cause them to defend you), start with an open question like, “How did that meeting go in your view?” Then partway through the conversation ask more specific questions about how you behaved, and tell them you’re open and listening because you want to grow.
Guess what will happen?
You’ll grow.
The most valuable people around a leader are never people who tell you what you want to hear; they’re the people who tell you what you need to hear—in love.
4. Consider the source.
Not all criticism is created equal.
Getting blasted online by some anonymous troll living his mother’s basement is not the same as having a respected leader who knows you offering some feedback.
If you’re getting critiqued by a well-informed critic, listen up. Respectfully. Be thankful. That person has just made you a better leader, a better person and likely a stronger Christ-follower (teachability is a key characteristic of discipleship).
So what about the trolls, the constant complainers and the cheap shots people love to take?
You have to be careful with what I outline below, but I’ve found this line of thinking … helpful.
Here we go: Often, people doing something significant with their lives get criticized by people doing nothing significant with theirs.
Why is it that people who have accomplished very little with their lives are completely convinced they can run a multibillion dollar business far better than the CEO? Or their favorite pro team better than their coach? Or the nation better than anyone? (To which I always say, then get off your couch and do something with your life.)
Criticism is always easier than contribution.
And leadership means contributing, not just criticizing.
Theodore Roosevelt said it so well over a century ago:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
When you get discouraged, just remember: People doing something significant are most often criticized by people doing nothing significant with theirs.
