3. Love his family in practical ways.
Every preacher secretly fears that living out his calling is harmful to his family.
For an explanation of why, you can check out my post here. Church members who check on the preacher’s wife when he’s out of town, send her encouraging notes, take his kids out for ice cream, and find ways to make his family feel loved are rare and precious.
They will be heard.
4. Catch him doing what you want to see more of.
And affirm him for it in non-manipulative ways. Nothing makes a preacher work harder than encouragement.
When someone compliments your preaching in ways that show they listen deeply, it creates pressure to live up to a high standard. You know these people will be expecting something meaningful next week and you don’t want to let them down.
Conversely, criticism is demoralizing and punishes hard work. After getting beat up for a sermon that took 20 hours to prepare, it is easy to think, “What’s the point? Why work so hard when they won’t like it anyway.”
By the way, watch out for passive-aggressive compliments which are really veiled criticism: “I’m glad to see you finally … .” And don’t think bragging on a preacher’s potential is a boost. Telling him he will be really good one day, or is getting better, is a just a polite way of saying he can’t cut it now.
5. Express your concerns in the first person and don’t speak for others.
Whenever I hear someone say, “There are a lot of people in the church upset about __________,” I always want to ask, “Other than your spouse and your two best friends, who else?”
Creating an imaginary posse to threaten the preacher as a back-up is a manipulative power move.
Your opinion matters. You can share it without silly attempts at bolstering and you will have more credibility.
By the way, anonymous criticism only makes people angry. Don’t expect an unsigned letter to produce anything but hostility or depression.
