The 10 Awkward Church Handshakes

The 10 Awkward Church Handshakes

Can you imagine a baseball announcer encouraging the fans to greet one another after singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”? Or can you visualize the orchestra concertmaster asking you to find someone you don’t know to shake hands with after the second movement of a Mahler Symphony? How about asking worshipers to shake hands after the opening song at church?

The worship service Meet and Greet can cause anxiety sweats and heart palpitations for first-time guests and congregational introverts. Some see that service element as shallow, contrived and intimidating. So have you ever wondered if it’s actually serving its purpose? What do you think most people are really thinking during this service ritual? These 10 awkward handshakes might just give it away.

sweatyThe Sweaty Palm

What he might be thinking: We’re getting ready to sing a Tomlin song in its original key.

crusherThe Crusher

What he might be thinking: I should’ve gotten the solo on the opening song.

queenThe Queen

What she might be thinking: I got the solo on the opening song.

dead fishThe Dead Fish

What he might be thinking: I’d rather be golfing so I’m saving my grip for 18 holes after the service.

PoliticianThe Politician

What he might be thinking: Maybe I can get him to serve on the building and grounds committee.

stiff armThe Stiff Armer

What she might be thinking: Don’t ask me to serve on anything.

pullerThe Grip and Puller 

What he might be thinking: I haven’t forgotten about your hard slide in the softball game yesterday.

huggerThe Hand Hugger

What she might be thinking: A non-verbal “bless your heart,” meaning I know your sins better than you do.

BroThe Bro

What he might be thinking: I still have Larry Norman and Stryper in my play list.

fist bumpThe Fist Bumper

What he might be thinking: I didn’t see a lot of hand washing at the pre-service restroom meet and greet.

This article originally appeared here.
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David Manner
Dr. David W. Manner serves as the Associate Executive Director for Kansas-Nebraska Convention of Southern Baptists with responsibilities in the areas of Worship, Leadership and Administration.