But here are three things that I (think) I know and find to be helpful:
1. Forget Facebook. It doesn’t help. I am not sure how to reconcile the usefulness of Facebook with the utter futility of it. In some ways, this is the way “we” communicate and connect now. To not be a part of it is to miss out on using this powerful medium for the Gospel and building relationships.
When it comes to fading friendships, Facebook makes things more difficult. From experience, I tell you that the “unfriend” option hurts. To then watch your “unfriend” interact with a larger-than-life dose of lovey-dovey with current members of your small congregation or, worse yet, others who have left your church … well, if you haven’t experienced it, let me spell it out for you: p-a-i-n-f-u-l.
Before the social media era, if someone left and befriended all the other departed disgruntleds, you might never even know. Now, it is right there on your screen for you to see, analyze and stew over until your stomach feels like that beaker in the science lab that is bubbling, fizzing and fuming so high that it may just explode.
I do not know if pressing “unfriend” is the right thing for you to do first (in some cases, it may be), but you can easily block the person’s activity from your newsfeed so that you don’t have to see their interactions and give the enemy room to discourage you. There may even be seasons when we have to take a Facebook hiatus.
2. Remember your goal. Remember that the goal of your ministry life is not to make friends. It is to introduce people to the Gospel and to make disciples of Jesus Christ. Ministry to make friends, become popular, be liked, this is not Christ-centered ministry. The Gospel repels. The Gospel divides. Jesus had enemies; you will too. Not everyone will be on your side. In fact, the resistance will be incredibly and unbelievably strong AGAINST you.
In some cases, the enemy will use people to set you off course. They may be your closest friends. They may have been confidants. You will have no control over this. You will have no control over what they say or what they do. You only have control over how you respond. As the pastor’s wife, I find this to be especially difficult.
There are some cases where I have to surrender a relationship to the “lost” category without stepping in and getting closure through a conversation of my own. My heart aches to say, “I’ll miss you … .” And more so, my heart cries, “Can’t you just tell me why?”
In John 15:18, the Bible uses the word “hate.” Jesus says, “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before you” (ESV). If we are accomplishing our goal, we can expect to be disliked, even detested. Sometimes those we thought were friends will decide to have their own agenda that is at odds with that goal.
