I’ve had a lot of conversations recently with church leaders about boundaries in marriage and more specifically, how to protect your marriage.
I’m all for protecting my marriage with great boundaries.
You know the kind:
Don’t meet with a member of the opposite sex alone.
Never travel with a member of the opposite sex alone.
Put a glass door in your office.
Have an accountability partner.
Install software protection on your devices.
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Listen, I believe in strong boundaries. I’m 100 percent for them. As Michael Hyatt recently pointed out, the costs from an affair are horrific.
The last thing we need is for another ministry leader to fall after an affair. (Here, by the way, are five reasons pastors fail morally).
But all boundaries are fundamentally defensive moves.
What bothers me about the tone of much of the conversation is that it sounds like having an affair is more appealing than going home to your wife.
Really?
Protect Your Marriage By Running Offense
Instead of running defense with your marriage, run some offense.
Passionately pursue the person you married.
Defense protects your body.
But running great offense protects your mind and your heart.
The offense and defense analogy in marriage also works exactly as it does in sports.
You might have the best defense in the league. You allowed no runs, no touchdowns, no goals. Awesome. But you still won’t win unless you run some offense.
Besides, the goal of marriage isn’t to avoid an affair. The goal is to have the most intimate, passionate relationship you can have with anyone.
So, run some offense!
Here are five ways to run a great offense in your marriage.
1. Bring your best energy home with you.
If you read this blog, chances are you’re a leader.
So let me guess. You lead well all day.
But what often happens is you lead so passionately during the day that by the time you roll home around 5 (or 7 or 9) you are running on fumes. There’s nothing left.
All day long at work, you gave. When you come home, you want to receive.
Big mistake.
Save some of the exceptional skill, energy and heart you poured into work for your time at home.
And don’t spend it all on the kids either.
Way too many leaders lead their staff or kids with more intentionality than they love their spouse.
That’s a mistake. Your staff will quit. Or retire. Even your kids leave home one day.
Your marriage is forever.
So pour the same intentionality and leadership into your marriage that you do into your job.
