I just started a new book yesterday called Necessary Endings 
If you know me, you know I’m a people pleaser at heart. Making decisions and having conversations with others that I know hurt them are tough for me. I’ve learned they’re necessary, but I still have a great deal of anxiety that accompanies such things.
And I bet you do to. It’s hard to…
- Have a tough conversations with someone who’s not meeting expectations.
- Fire a staff person who you know isn’t in the right position.
- Confront a friend who’s stuck in a pattern of confessed sin.
- Shut down a ministry in your church that, at one time, produced a lot of fruit.
But “hard” isn’t always negative. Neither is “hurt” necessarily negative.
The illustration he uses in the book is having an infected tooth pulled. Is that hard? Yes. Does it hurt? Yes. But is it really negative? Not really. It certainly isn’t harmful. The dentist does have to inflict some pain, but it’s actually a positive or healing event.
Dr. Cloud made a great distinction that I think we all need to remember. He wrote…
“There’s a huge difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.
As a leader, you have got to redefine what positive and negative is. Positive is doing what is best and right for the business and for the people.
I’m working hard to make difficult decisions and hard conversations a normal occurence in my life and leadership and view them as a positive, instead of seeing it as a problem. Some of them may hurt, but if done with the right heart, they don’t have to harm.
Do you tend to avoid difficult conversations or topics with others?
