Now, I am not a PK, a preacher’s kid. My dad was a coal miner. The only expectations on the six of us children were either self-imposed or from within the family. The larger community basically ignored us. But, I am the father of three PKs and know quite a few. So, I invited some of them to assist me with this.
What follows is an attempt to pull some order into the pages of notes from these who carry strong memories, deep lessons learned and the occasional scar on their souls, all from growing up in pastors’ households.
Question: What in the world are we going to do with the preachers’ kids?
1. Well, for one thing, we’re going to love them and encourage them.
Learn their names. Don’t be afraid to compliment them—just as you do the other children—when they do something well.
Invite them to parties and events, just as you do other children. After all, even if their dad is a preacher, they’re just children and they like to do the same things your kids enjoy.
To some, this will sound a little contradictory, saying on the one hand church members should treat the PKs just like other children, and on the other hand, pray for them and love them and encourage them. (But that’s exactly what we should be doing for the others!)
2. We are going to give them the freedom to be who they are and not impose our own projections upon them.
The preconceived notions of church members regarding the pastor’s children can be a heavy burden to bear.
One son of a pastor remembers when he was perhaps a third-grader, and the church planned some kind of service to be held during Sunday School which the children would lead. The children ushered the adults’ classes into the chapel, kids spoke the prayers, the children’s choir led the singing, and so forth.
He added, “Guess who was picked to be the preacher that day? The shy little introverted son of the pastor.”
Why was he chosen, he still wonders. Perhaps because he was the son of the pastor, the leadership had thought either that it was expected, that the pastor would be disappointed if he were not chosen, or that he had natural talents in this area. He recalls the pain of that event to this day. Even though the adults doubtless meant well by thrusting the pastor’s son into that role, their good intentions did not make it right or ease his pain.
We’re simply suggesting that children and youth workers give the pastors’ offspring the same attention and consideration they should the other children. In filling roles for pageants, dramas and assemblies, and in assigning responsibilities for ministries, they should pay attention to the gifts, talents, interests and abilities of a child before assigning him or her a part.
