It is very good to have close friends, particularly from your fellowship. In fact, most of my closest friends are from our church family.
But how do we pursue them? What is the basis for making friends? How are friendships sustained?
Many people think of friendships as those relationships where we have a lot in common with the other person. This is true, but what is the basis for this commonality?
Some people will leave a church saying, “I can’t find people that I have a lot in common with.” This is a staggering and revealing statement. It could mean, “There are no Christians here.”
It could also mean, “I am not a Christian.” And it could mean, “I don’t chiefly value my identity as a Christian as the basis for relationships.”
As a Christian, it is to be our identity as a Christian that serves as our chief identifying feature and basis for friendship. You have so much in common with other Christians. You have the same story (saved from sin and death), passion (the glory of Christ), struggles (sin), hope (coming kingdom), authority (the Word of God), etc. There is so much in common here!
The problem is, we often promote worldly things to the position that only the gospel should hold. Then we wonder why the church cannot deliver. In fact, she should not deliver worldly pursuits.
I am convinced that many professing Christians are simultaneously expecting too much and too little from the church. We are now in something of a “tail wagging the dog” scenario. Many people have expectations, so church leaders aim to accommodate them. If one church won’t meet their preferences, they can go to another. This becomes a significant long-term problem.
The church’s role is really quite simple: to make and train disciples.
If we do this, then we will create a culture where friendships grow out of the gospel rather than in spite of it. Other programs will see their rightful place in the life of the Christian.
As Christians, we should all work together to raise the gospel flag above the other markers of identity and heartily salute it. Then we would be well on our way.
