Many of us could write blog posts about surprising things we’ve heard in church. In fact, I’ve written at least one post along those lines. Here, though, are 15 things I’ve seldom heard in church in my 40+ years as a believer:
1. “I planned to fall morally.” I’ve never met anybody who set out to fall into sin. As I’ve said before, we slide into a fall more often than leap into it.
2. “Looking back, I really regret serving God.” I’ve never heard those words from someone who truly gave his or her life to God.
3. “I got married with the intent of getting divorced.” Nobody I know has walked the marriage aisle assuming he or she would someday end the marriage. I do know many, however, who still got divorced.
4. “I love singing songs I don’t know.” Regardless of one’s preferred worship style, I’ve not met many people who enjoy singing new hymns or choruses. Most of us prefer to worship with familiarity.
5. “We love you enough to remove you from membership.” I’ve heard this one occasionally, but likely not enough if congregations are truly being New Testament churches.
6. “We can start small group early since everyone’s here on time.” It’s funny, you know—churches are often deeply concerned about ending on time, but they don’t worry much about starting on time.
7. “I don’t mind it when your boring preaching is also long.” I’m sure you hear two points here. I’ve never heard anyone appreciate boring preaching, and I’ve certainly never heard anyone affirm long boring preaching.
8. “I hope we send out more people than we keep here.” Some younger leaders are beginning to speak this language, but not many.
9. “I want my pastor to speak more about money.” If anyone says this, it’s usually the church treasurer …