I’ve been wrestling with this issue for the last few weeks. What can I do to maximize my strengths and use them for kingdom purposes, while militantly assessing these God-given gifts in order to guard them from sin?
I’m certain about one thing—I’m hopeless to be able to do this alone. I like my strengths. I enjoy working in areas of my perceived gifting. I’m lulled to sleep by the siren call of success in the areas in which I can actually be successful. I know a cliff is out there somewhere, but I have no clue how close I actually am to failing off.
I don’t know my danger unless someone warns me. I’ve got to have people in my life who know me well enough to know when a strength has gone too far and when I’m poised for a crash.
Don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not accusing any pastor of living outside of community. I’m not assuming that any one person’s sin can be traced to back to a deficit of true friends. But I am saying that this has often been true in my own life. The danger is that we all tend to attract people who are a lot like us. We work well with others who share our passions and preferences.
We enjoy being with those who affirm our strengths. In time, we find that inner circle friends are all like us and, for that reason, are often prone to the same failings. To compound matters, we tend to build churches that take on our personality and affirm our strengths. The cultural ethos fast-forwards our pace toward the cliff without them even knowing it.
The only corrective, at least as I see it, is to surround myself with three people.
First, I need someone who is radically different from me who is not prone to the same sin as I am. If you struggle with a lust for more, then you need an introverted, contemplative friend. If you are an aggressive leader, then you likely need someone around you who is a faithful, plodding shepherd.
Second, I need someone who is not impressed with me. I need someone who is bold enough to call me out when they notice me creeping toward the edge of the cliff. We all need friends who can say, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but you’ve become a total jerk” (I’d imagine they’d probably say this in a less jerky way). You need someone who is willing to risk hard conversations in order to confront you before it’s too late.
Finally, I need someone who is exactly like me but who has lived longer and matured enough to see the evil underbelly of our common personalities. I need someone who’s fallen off my mountain at the same place to warn me of what lies ahead. I need someone who, with tears in their eyes, can testify to the pain that they’ve experienced.
I’m certain that this is only a part of the answer to the problems facing pastoral ministry, and Christian moral collapse in general. But, it seems like a good place to begin.
