5 Ways to Fight Loneliness
Struggling with isolation in leadership? Here are five ways you can fight loneliness as a leader:
1. Admit That Loneliness Is a Decision You’re Making
If I decide to be lonely, I have no one to blame but myself. Solitude is good. Isolation is of the enemy. If I’m lonely, it’s my fault. Period.
2. Cultivate Relationships With Leaders Outside Your Organization
We all hit rough spots. I do.
But after years of cultivating close relationships with people both inside and outside of where I serve, I have a dozen or so people I turn to regularly for wise counsel. Many of them aren’t part of our church. This can be helpful because sometimes, if you’re struggling through an issue, they have an outside perspective that can really help you.
What unites this diverse group? They love me and accept me for who I am. They are also leading similar sized or larger organizations and understand the unique pressures leaders face. And they can also call any bluff I send their way.
Many pastors I know don’t cultivate friends like this. I see God use mine again and again to renew my heart and my leadership. Cultivate these relationships today, and they’ll be there for you when you need them.
3. Have a Strong Relationship With a Few Close People Inside Your Church or Organization.
Having friends outside your organization is one thing, but you also need great friends inside your organization. I’m grateful that I feel like I can always share how I’m doing and feeling with our elders and a couple of other people close to me.
4. Stay in Community
I have three circles of relationships I pursue locally.
My wife and I have always been in community groups in our church. I realize lots of pastors opt out of them, and I realize there are a few things you just probably can’t share with your group, but the benefits of being in authentic community with people from your church outweigh the costs.
We also pursue a few good friendships outside of group in our community. And (third circle) I try to reach out to a few new leaders or colleagues every year to keep my circle fresh and alive.
I have to work at them. They don’t come naturally.
But they are so worth it.
5. Talk to God About It
Elijah thought he was the only one left (1 Kings 19). God has a way of reminding us it’s not nearly as bad as we think. Keeping your loneliness a part of your prayer life will help remind you that you are responsible for your loneliness. Even Jesus traveled with a tribe of 12 or more and cultivated an inner circle of three. If Jesus valued relationships, why do you think you should be different?
You know what links all five ways to fight loneliness for me personally?
Something New
In my next book, Didn’t See It Coming, I devote an entire section to the epidemic of loneliness and disconnectedness many of us are experiencing. I’m hoping it will be a beacon of hope and some real help for people.
You can check out Didn’t See It Coming on Amazon now.
What are you learning about leadership and loneliness?
This article originally appeared here.
