I’m conflicted.
I was talking yesterday with a fellow Louisville groups minister and writer, and he kidded me about my new author’s page on Facebook (and yes, I did just link to it so you can check it out!).
And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won’t you do this for me son if you can?Forget your lust for the rich man’s gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
I want to be that simple kind of man, the kind of man who works not to satisfy myself, but the God who created me for his purpose.
I explained to a friend that it’s like Mother Teresa said, “I’m just a little pencil (or maybe a laptop?) in the hand of a writing God.” I thank him for giving me a gift to share.
Today, Bernice posted a question on the page asking me a valid question: “Is this a money maker or what is your purpose, just curious??” I’m glad she asked. Here’s my response:
My heart is for God to use me to help leaders. The way I feel called to do that is partially through my writing, and I would like to let more people know about it. I don’t want to self-promote, and I’m not getting rich through the sales of books I’ve written. But when you write, you hope and pray God will use it to have as widespread effect as it can.
I want to honor God through what I do and I hope and pray that God will use my life to somehow advance his purposes in his kingdom.
God has created me with a two-fold passion for small groups and leadership, and he’s given me a love for writing. I want to be a good steward of what he’s given me. I don’t want to be a “self-promoter.” I fight the urge to do that. And, to be truthful, I do feel some pride well up when any worldly success comes. It’s almost like I want to prove myself to my dad (who passed from this life 11 years ago): “See, dad! I’m a success.” That feeling comes from a black part of my heart that I ask God to continue to heal.
Now I know that by putting up my own author’s page on Facebook, I risk looking arrogant. My intention may be misunderstood. God knows my heart. He’ll eventually judge my intentions. So I took a risk. Now I’m explaining it (probably over-explaining it!). I guess I’m sharing this because I do care about what my friends think in a (hopefully) positive way. I want you to know my true heart. I want you to see what’s on the other side of the page.
My hope is that I someday get to hear my Heavenly Father say, “Well done!” My prayer is simply that all the attention and glory goes to him, not me. He deserves it. I don’t. He’s worthy of it. I’m not. If I’m going to be an author or a leader or anything, I want to first be a man after his heart.
How is God using you today to send his love letter to the world?
