GENTLENESS
The word means “not harsh.” It doesn’t mean to be a “mealy mouse” and it doesn’t mean to avoid discipline. It means to be gentle—even in your anger. In John 2, when Jesus went into the temple to drive out the money-changers, He first made a whip. It was a definite and determined response, but it was “gently” planned.
Here are some steps you can take to instill this character trait in your children:
• Grant forgiveness easily. Don’t hold grudges against those who have wronged you.
• Don’t let your children fear coming to you about anything because of the way you may react.
• Get down to the children’s level when trying to explain something or in the way you respond to them.
• Always be available to talk with your children.
• Talk gently to your spouse.
• When there is a disagreement in public, such as in a restaurant, it is OK to protect your interests, but it should always be done with gentleness and respect for the other person. There is never an excuse to be rude or obnoxious.
SELF-CONTROL
The opposite here is being undisciplined. This is an important trait, because it affects all the others.
Here are some action steps to help build self-control into your children:
• Don’t allow temper tantrums. “Expressing themselves” is not an excuse for unruliness.
• Learn personal disciplines and model them—things such as daily Bible reading, exercise and tithing.
• Know sin has consequences and teach this principle to your children. (Unfortunately, you may have to model it also.)
• Use appropriate discipline for each child. All children are different.
• Determine the motive behind the action before disciplining your children.
• Provide appropriate tests for them as they mature to see if they can handle a situation. As they get older, grant them more and more trust.
There is a final step in the Olive Tree Parenting Model. You must teach your children to abide!
In John 15:5, Jesus says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” If our children can learn this skill all these others will become and remain a part of who they are. They will learn this best as they see you doing so.
I’m praying for your parenting.
I need to remind you that this is a “model”—and I wasn’t perfect at doing this. Some I did better than others. The fact is, however, we seldom hit a target we aren’t aiming for—so make this your goal and you will find it easier to achieve than with no plan at all.
