4. GRIEVE YOUR LOSSES
A mentor once told me that ministry is a series of ungrieved losses. He was right.
Think about how much loss is involved in leadership. Someone leaves your church. A staff member quits. A decision doesn’t go your way. You lose a friend.
Many leaders pretend it doesn’t hurt when the reality is it does.
Worse than that, we don’t know what to do with our losses. So we just go back to work.
For years when I read the scriptural stories of how people grieved, I thought to myself, “What’s wrong with these people? Why did they take 40 days to grieve the death of Moses? Couldn’t they just get back to work?”
Little did I realize that taking the time to grieve your losses is one of the healthiest things you can do.
I spent an inordinate amount of time in August 2006 crying. It’s like all the losses I ignored for decades couldn’t stay inside anymore. And once they left…I found closure, even healing.
Now, I pay much more attention to feelings of loss. I pray about them. I process them. Occasionally I do shed tears over the deeper ones. And then I move on.
So much healthier.
5. IF GOD WANTS TO GO DEEP, IT’S BECAUSE HE WANTS TO TAKE YOU FAR
The #1 question I had in the middle of my burnout is will this ever end?
It took me three months to start functioning semi-normally again. Within a year, I was at 80 percent. But it took a full five years to be at 100 percent of normal, which wasn’t the old normal, but a new normal (the old normal would have landed me back in the ditch again).
I realized God was doing some soul surgery in me that went very deep. I believe he wanted to get to the root of some heart issues that would have held me back from doing what he wants to accomplish with my life.
Over the last few years, I’ve been able to encourage other leaders going through burnout, spending some time to pray and talk with them, sometimes at length.
The question they always ask is this: When will this be over? All of us A-types want burnout over quickly.
My standard answer these days is “don’t rush it and don’t delay it. Let it take as long as it takes.”
There’s a promise underneath the pain. If God is doing surgery, it’s because he wants to bring healing.
It’s also a sign of his love. If God wants to go deep, it’s because he wants to take you far.
6. YOUR HEART WILL HEAL AND YOU WILL TRUST AGAIN
Your heart gets mangled in leadership because you:
Trusted people who betrayed that trust.
Hoped only to have your hopes dashed.
Believed only to discover what you were hoping for never happened.
That’s the natural stuff of leadership, but in the process, your naiveté and innocence are lost.
As a result, it’s hard not to grow cynical. It’s hard not to let your heart grow hard. (I write about cynicism in my new book as well.)
How do you thrive long term when leadership can be disappointing?
For me, it’s a combination of realism and optimism. Yep, it can be hard. Yes, there will be disappointments. But despite that, I will believe again. I will hope again. I will trust again.
Here’s something I’ve discovered: Leaders who thrive see life for what it really is but keep their hearts fully engaged.
7. YOUR EMOTIONS EVENTUALLY CATCH UP TO YOUR OBEDIENCE
When you’re burnt out, your emotions stop working properly. You sometimes feel nothing. Or you feel a deep despair. And at other times, you feel emotions but they are not proportionate to what is going on around you or what you should be feeling.
I think a lot of leaders simply quit because their emotions have stopped working.
What I’ve learned is that obedience is greater than my emotions.
I stayed in ministry because I believe God had not released me from my calling. So I just obeyed.
The amazing thing is, eventually, your emotions catch up to your obedience. As you get healthier, the emotions begin to work the way they should. Sometimes they work better than they ever have.
8. MANAGING YOUR ENERGY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MANAGING YOUR TIME
Prior to my burnout, I worked on time management.
Since I burned out, I still work hard on optimal time management, but I’ve discovered a much better approach: energy management.
Your energy waxes and wanes throughout the day. Rather than fight that, I’ve learned to cooperate with it. I’ve discovered that there are probably three to five hours a day when I’m at my best (for me, that’s usually in the morning).
I’ve moved all my most important work to those hours when I’m at my best.
Doing what you’re best at when you’re at your best unlocks a world of potential many leaders miss.
I write more on how to manage your energy here.