Over the past few days I took a little time to reflect. The past six or seven weeks have been a pretty intense season of ministry, and the past six months have brought a lot of change. We will all have seasons like this, so it was time for a sabbath. Friday and Saturday in particular I took some time to reflect.
I highly recommend this, by the way.
On Monday I had a student wrap up his work on his Doctor of Ministry project. It served as a sobering time to reflect again, and to remind me of the importance of investing in leaders like Shawn. He reminded me of the evangelism class he took with me a decade earlier — how we met the day of 9-11-2001, setting aside time to pray, sing, and consider the events of that day. That fall I came into his class one day elated that our son at 13 had led someone to Christ, how I took a group of students to South Africa that semester, something I did again this year, ten years later.
Sometimes in the midst of ministry, in particular ministry blessed with a lot of “success,” we can lose focus. I don’t mean losing focus that leads to a loss of passion for ministry, although that happens to some. My passion for serving Christ is as strong as ever. But I can sometimes become involved in good things and miss the best. Sometimes I choose the easier path than the healthiest path.
You probably never have that problem. But sometimes I do.
In Revelation 2 we read about the time Jesus chastised the church at Ephesus. Oh, on the surface they were a model church. Doctrinally, they were straight as an arrow. In their labor, they worked rigorously. But although theologically sound (orthodoxy) and actively in service (orthopraxy), they had one problem. Only one.
Never think only one problem is not a big deal.
Their one problem was the problem of orthopathy. They had left their first love, their affection for Christ. And Jesus called them on it. But our Lord is so gracious- he never calls us out without calling us back. So he told the church to do three things: remember, repent, and return (do the first things).
So, this week I did the first thing Jesus said. Remember. Or, go back.
Go back to when you first knew of your Savior.
Go back to when you first met him.
Go back to those spiritual markers, those vital relationships he forged in your life.
I want to go back. I want to preach with the passion I had my first year of ministry. I want to focus on those things God has called me to with laser sharp attention. I want to love my wife more. I want to shepherd my children better, adults though they are, in this special season of their lives. I want to invest in the lost for the sake of the gospel.
I want to teach and preach the Word with a gospel focus and an awakened heart. I want to invest in my local church but also travel to assist leaders in other churches and ministries to move from the Christian subculture to gospel-centeredness, from maintaining an institution to advancing a movement. I want to help student ministry move from offering activities to training missionaries.
And I want to train leaders, those with a gospel focus, a willing mind, and a pliable heart. Sometimes, because God has put so many young adults in my life, I get careless in my investment. I want to invest in young leaders who want to change the world for Christ. The truth is I am far better at shaping leaders than convincing the ambivalent. I am a better leader of change than I am a counselor.
Every need is not a call, nor is every opportunity. I have said that often. But I do not always heed my own advice, and although I mean well and want to help, the result is the double edged sword of not being the help I wished to be, and at the same time removing myself from opportunities to be about what God has consistently pushed me to pursue.
So, sometimes I need to go back. To regain focus. To refresh my perspective. To remember my calling.
Which leads me to today. Today I will be on the campus of Williams University, a Baptist university like the one I graduated from 30 years ago this past spring. Like the one where I met Michelle. I never thought then I would be asked to speak in chapel at a school like this, and yet I have done so many times now in many schools. So I want to see that these opportunities are not just another date on a calendar-these type of opportunities represent what Christ created me to be about, what he has given me a passion for more than anything beyond my family — to invest in leaders who will step up and stand out for Christ in the days to come.
So, I remember. I remember God’s call on a June day in 1977. I remember God making a way for me to meet the love of my life. I remember God giving me a deep yearning to equip others. I remember wanting children, wondering if we would ever have any, and then discovering the amazing joy of parenting. I remember how at every step along the way in ministry, or so it seems, God has put me in places of change: as a pastor, as a denominational leader, a college professor, and in my role at SEBTS. God has given me a passion to challenge the status quo and a heart for his awakening work. And, every single step along the way he has consistently placed younger leaders in my path to mentor and train. I remember some remarkable young men whose paths have crossed mine who now lead in wonderful ways for our Lord. I had somewhat forgotten that. But I remember now.
And I repent. I repent of my own selfish heart, wanting to take what God has called me to and serve myself more than Jesus. I repent of being distracted by good things and good people while missing his best.
And I return. To a gospel wakefulness, to use Jared Wilson’s excellent term. To a hunger simply to know God and to know that the more I stop trying to do a lot for him and simply rest in what he has given me in Christ, ironically I actually find the very way to fulfill my calling for him. To return to a restfulness in the glory and the story of God in Christ and a Pauline-like restlessness to fulfill my calling with deep fervor (Philippians 3:14). To return to a sense of wonder that God would use the likes of me to be of help in the lives of others.
Maybe you can relate to this. Maybe you need to go back, to reflect on God’s past work. To help you focus on today better. Maybe you need to repent of sin, maybe you need to repent of choosing good over best. Maybe you need to go back to the simplicity of your faith in Jesus you had back in the day, but may have lost along the way.
Sometimes we do not need a new ministry or a new vision; sometimes we just need to remember that we cannot go forward until we first go back.
