59 Things Not to Say to a Preacher

1. “I enjoyed your little talk.”

2. “Is what you said true, or was that just preacher talk?”

3. “I heard (famous preacher) preach that same sermon on television. He did it so much better.”

4. “Could you come to my home and preach that sermon to my husband?”

5. “You ought to hear the pastor at our church. He’s been to seminary.”

6. “Our church is so much bigger (better, friendlier, whatever) than yours.”

7. “The restroom is out of paper.”

8. “My cousin said I would like your preaching. It’s all right, I guess.”

9. “Someone—I’m not saying who—told me to tell you …”

10. “Can I come by your office in the morning? I might need a couple of hours of your time.”

11. “Could I call you tonight after we get home from the movie? It might be 10:30 or so.”

12. (Calls at 7:30 in the morning.) “Hi Pastor. Did I wake you?”

13. “I heard Celebration Church baptized 92 people last week. And Williams Church had a $100,000 offering.”

14. “Do you get paid by the word or by the hour?”

15. “Just because you’re the pastor doesn’t make you always right.”

16. “Who told on me?”

17. “The game starts at 11:30 today, Preacher. Hint, hint.”

18. “I read about your child in the paper. I’m so sorry.”

19. “Today’s sermon was a big improvement over your last few messages.”

20. “Hi Pastor! Bet you don’t remember my name.”

21. “The previous pastor had a great sermon on that text. I used to love his stories.”

22. “Can you give me two minutes in the worship service this morning to make a few announcements?”

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Joe McKeever
Joe McKeever has been a believer over 60 years, has been preaching the Gospel over 50 years, and has been writing and cartooning for Christian Publications over 40 years. He lives in New Orleans.