My grandson, Hudson, is age one, and like any young child, he desperately wants to communicate through language.
His favorite new phrase is, “Where are you?” He loves coming into the room where my daughter, his mother, is and ask, “Mommy, where are you?” When she replies, “I’m right here, honey,” he exhales a huge sigh of relief, as if there was serious doubt whether or not that was, in fact, his mommy. My daughter gets a huge kick out of this hourly routine!
Hudson is still in the phase where he rambles and babbles a lot, mostly long strings of nonsense words and phrases, so I think he is milking his newly found treasure for all it’s worth!
Up, Up, and…Not Quite Away
As he progresses, Hudson displays much about how we learn language: in leaps, it seems.
One day there are no words, just sounds. Then all of a sudden, we have a few one-syllable words, like “dad, ball, light.” Then nothing new for a while. Until all of a sudden, we can string together a couple of words, like “Light on” (a personal favorite of my daughter’s boys!). Then more stalling, it seems, until we enter that funny but frustrating phase of nonsensical babbling. Yet out of that comes a new phase: whole phrases, short sentences, and complete thoughts expressed.
How does this happen? These leaps astound us, and we wonder why one day they can say something that the very day before they weren’t even close to pulling off!
Underneath the Child’s Hood
The reality is that much is going on internally, subconsciously at deep brain levels as the child acquires language. So while on the surface it appears to us like sudden, random, and unexpected leaps, serious preparation had been going on all along beneath the surface to make that random moment push its way to the top – often to our surprise.
Obviously, much more can be said about language acquisition. My purpose here, though, is to remind teachers and parents not to become discouraged when a child appears to be making no new progress. After all, it may be that a lot is going on and is just waiting for the right moment to burst forth.
No two children are on the exact same developmental path. Yet in education – and parenting, too – we too often compare children to one another. Now, as a general rule, certain developments do follow another.
For example, certain developments within the brain must occur before walking is even possible. And if you have a five year old who has not yet learned to walk, I recommend you look into the situation…immediately!
Otherwise, we should not pressure children into conformity to some idea we have of where they “ought to be” moment-to-moment, developmentally speaking.
Children Prefer to Feel “In Control”
Recently I wrote about the value of praising effort rather than ability. One reason for this is that children – like all human beings – like to feel in control. When we praise children’s ability only, we run the risk of having them give up in the face of a difficult challenge, believing “I’m just not smart enough to do this.”
So when we instead praise effort, we empower a child to feel that they can persevere through the obstacle and wrestle with it until they master it. We give them a confident sense of control, and they see that their actions really do produce results.
Now, put these two ideas together. On the one hand, we must allow the processes going on beneath the surface the time it requires to fully mature. As we wait, we do not ever make the child feel like they are behind or incomplete. Doing so will only hinder their development.
Instead, we gently come alongside them as a guide, providing them new ways to develop their skills and abilities, always encouraging their efforts and making note of their perseverance. And that is important, because the skills children are attempting to master between birth and age five – total control over their bodies, their tongues, and their minds – should astound any adult who is struggling to learn something much simpler, like how to stick to a diet!
Waiting for the Light Bulb to Come On
Yes, there is a time and place for consciously pushing someone to live up to their potential. But that is usually later in life. And even then, it is in a spirit of loving guidance.
My son taught high school English, and he loved seeing the light bulb come on for his students. For some, it was the same day they would read the story and discuss it in class. Others took longer into the school year. Still others didn’t see the light until college. But eventually they saw it, and it was worth it to let them get there on their own, to authentically experience their own journey.
If any of this sounds wrong to you and you feel children need our constant push in order to develop “correctly” and “on time,” take a moment to really consider how a child acquires language: Somehow they go from a newborn without the ability to control their own movements to a five year old who has mastered thousands of words and an entire set of grammatical rules. It is quite breathtaking.
Adults could never master a foreign language equal to a five year olds mastery of their native tongue, and yet children do it without formal instruction. Sure, a parent will help from time-to-time, but the truth is they learn it by observing those who can speak and trying desperately, as Hudson does, to communicate with them.
For this week, here are a few things to remember:
- The mind is capable of amazing things, including some tremendous “leaps.” Remember not to rush those leaps but let the process unfold naturally.
- At all times giving loving encouragement and stimulating activities to develop their ability to take on and even enjoy new challenges.
- Find little ways to help your child or student feel more “in control” of their development and then step back and watch them grow!
