However, I could always tell the genuine people. The people who truly wanted to listen, who showed genuine concern, who had me over for dinner, who wanted to hear the details instead of passing over them lightly, who baked for me, who sincerely prayed for me and with me. Who didn’t let me hide behind the excuse of “I’m fine,” but knew I wasn’t.
Those actions aren’t band-aids. Those are the healing balm of Gilead to a wounded soul.
5. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is let the person grieving simply grieve.
A friend of mine who lost someone dear to her recently told me this: “I just wish people weren’t afraid of tears.” This is so true. I just wish people weren’t so afraid of tears. I wish people would be willing to wrap their arms around us who are grieving and let us cry our hearts out when we need it the most, instead of holding us at a distance because we’re showing “negative emotions.”
The people who truly helped me the most were not people who said the most profound things to me or gave me the best theological explanation of heaven. They were not the people who awkwardly shied away from me, or told me they were praying for me in passing.
They were the people who sat with me and listened to my feelings. They were people who let me cry in front of them without feeling judged or weak. Who let me be sad and angry and confused. Who let me be genuinely human and honest, and not just have to keep a fake smile plastered on my face for their personal comfort. When I could be real with my raw emotions and feel safe doing so.
Because the death of a loved one is the worst thing that can happen on this earth.
Yes, I believe in God and heaven, and Christ’s saving work to bring us salvation from death. But that doesn’t mean death isn’t still horrible. Death is NOT natural. It was not supposed to be. Death shows us what is wrong with this world, why Christ came to defeat death once and for all. Death is a curse. A curse of sin.
Our gut reaction to death shows that something isn’t right with this world. So don’t treat it lightly. Jesus Himself wept over death (John 11:35). It’s hard and it’s painful. Death is an aching hole in our hearts that will never be filled on this earth until we ourselves die. There are certain wounds that will never be fully healed until heaven.
Yet, it is possible to grow and thrive even in the midst of grief. I will never forget those people who showed me God’s love by letting me be real with them. By forsaking their own comfort zones to be near to the brokenhearted as God Himself is near (Psalm 34:18).
By weeping when I wept, by holding me when there were no words left to say. When there were no words that would “solve” the grief and the questions. When all there was left to do was lament the brokenness of this world, yet still, be loved and accepted in that grief.
Let me know your thoughts on how to minister to someone by commenting below.
