I have some kind of adverse reaction to all things “womanly,” meaning all things related to women’s ministry. If I take it a step further, I really mean all things Christian and women.
…Things like scrapbooking, play dates, girls night out, quilted Bible covers, any mention of the Proverbs 31 woman, Beth Moore, touchy-feely-ness, emotions, and Christian romance novels. Eek!
Now don’t get me wrong, individually, I have secretly (and even occasionally, publicly) enjoyed many of these things, but that doesn’t change the fact that they also simultaneously make my skin crawl.
For a long time, I used to believe that I was just born a bit of a rebel. I can remember as a child naturally questioning authority. I never just took someone’s word for it.
As I grew older, that tendency to question turned into a bit of skepticism, but not for long. Upon knowing Jesus, I really did let much of my skepticism go. It seemed that the answer to so many of my questions was Him.
However, I remain somewhat of a rogue agent, I suppose. I never like doing what everyone else is doing, but I also get icky feelings about participating in certain things. Women’s Ministry, as it were, is one of them. As for why, I’m still trying to figure that part out.
Perhaps I don’t like being a part of the crowd, just another face, just another number. Much of my experience in women’s ministry has been sort of that-me, alongside dozens, if not hundreds of other women. Perhaps it’s something else though…
Perhaps it’s that, as my husband jokes, I’m more like a dude than most women. I don’t get weepy. I don’t gush over babies. I don’t like to snuggle. I don’t like talking about my emotions (even though I freely type about them here).
And so much, it seems, of women’s ministry is emotional. Feel this, talk about that. Again and again. It is tiring and I find it self-indulgent.
Perhaps I don’t like women’s ministry because I’m jealous, which would really make me insecure. Maybe I don’t like feeling the need to compare myself to a whole slew of other women. Putting on a brave face when everything is really turning to crap, is not fun to me. Maybe I would just rather not pretend. Maybe I’d like my meltdown to be done in the privacy of my own home.
Perhaps I’m just being judgmental and doing exactly to them as I assume they are doing to me. I’m judging their hearts, motives, intentions. When so-and-so is talking about her marriage or her children and how God is doing great things, perhaps I’m rolling my eyes because well, I want great things too, and sometimes I feel uninvited to the great things party.
Perhaps none of this means anything and the only reason I say I don’t like women’s ministry is because I don’t like women. Ouch. But just maybe…maybe I’m not so good at being around women, knowing women, trusting women. Perhaps its not really what they are doing or aren’t doing, but that I’m afraid to join in.
Perhaps I’m afraid that if I start to like Ann Voskamp, women’s retreats, luncheons, recipe swaps, and decorating tips you’ll all see right through me. You’ll see that I’m lonely at times. Scared at times. Doubtful more than I’d like to admit. Uncertain about my abilities as a mom, blogger, Jesus-follower. Perhaps you’ll see the stuff I don’t want you to see and then what do I do?
How can I make fun of the fluff, if the fluff isn’t really worth making fun of? How can I criticize from afar? Where do I go from there? I suppose a Beth Moore Bible study is a great place to start…
How do you feel about Women’s Ministry? Yay, nay or indifferent? Has any part of a church or the body left you feeling uninvited, longing, or made to feel like an outsider?