And earbud headphones are an extension of the same principle. “In the 21st century, glaringly white Apple ear buds inform all those who observe us in public that we are disinterested, musically inclined, non-threatening people, while Bluetooth Wi-Fi earpieces convey a slightly different, more aggressive message: far too busy, don’t dare disturb,” Slade writes. “Once again, interaction with a device prevents and is preferable to risky, energy-consuming interactions with strangers. We have been conditioned for over a hundred years to risk interpersonal contact only through the mediation of machines. We trust machines much more than we trust human beings” (The Big Disconnect, 160).
This is what we now expect from our digital technology and our smartphones: isolation.
This is not accidental. “For manufacturers and marketers, human beings are best when they are alone since individuals are forced to buy one consumer item each, whereas family or community members share,” writes Slade. “Technology’s movement toward miniaturization serves this end by making personal electronics suitable for individual users. For today’s carefully trained consumers, sharing is an intrusion on personal space” (Slade, 10).
The relational consequences of these disconnections are not small.
Losing Trust
This miniaturization and personalization of technology (the direction of many of our technological advances) has led to us being cut off from others in ordinary daily interaction. We trust people less, and we trust our devices more. Which all leads to a fundamental question: Can we build healthy relationships, and build trust, while we are alone with our phones?
This question is bigger than social media. We know that many of the most popular sitcoms have always revolved around friendships. The plotlines are increasingly intricate as modern viewers can handle more and more complex storylines that developed over time from Cheers to Seinfeld to Friends to How I Met Your Mother. Each show demanding more relational IQ from viewers. So do these increasingly complex storylines among friends (on-screen friends) make us more relationally adaptable in the real world, or do they make us less socially adaptable and thereby more isolated and more lonely? On one hand, Slade calls these shows “companionship substitutes.” They empty life of true companionship. On the other hand, Steven Johnson, in his book Everything Bad Is Good for You, claims these sitcoms, along with reality shows, are in fact increasing our social IQ and making us more relatable and more socially attuned with others in the real world and improving our relationships.
That debate cannot be settled here. I’ll simply turn to the social media and ask whether or not our social fabric is strengthening or fraying. In reality, all indicators show that the land of social media is a harsh and abrasive place; we all know this. For whatever reasons, people lose tact when they type opinions online. One theory why: “Among cyber natives, low self-esteem, depression and isolation contribute to the testiness responsible for flaming, cyber-bullying, and generalized lack of empathy and interpersonal skill” (Slade, 238). What if loneliness is what makes us harsh online?
This is what author Umair Haque pointed to when he recently said abusive speech is killing Twitter. Twitter allows harsh and rude trolls to lurk and fester in conversations, largely unchecked. If this negativity cannot be stopped, it poisons the entire platform and the conversations will all eventually die off.
Haque’s solution: “We have to start with humility, gratitude, reality—not arrogance, privilege, blindness. Abuse isn’t a nuisance, a triviality, a minor annoyance that ‘those people’ have to put up with for the great privilege of having our world-changing stuff in their grubby hands. It will chill, stop and kill networks from growing, communities from blossoming and lives from flourishing. If your purpose is social interaction, abuse is as central to it as bacterial infection is to selling meat” (“Why Twitter’s Dying”).
The health of social media relies on social skills it cannot furnish. The solution is getting in touch with reality, which, as I take it, means the solution to social media harshness is not found in our sitcoms. The solution to social media harshness is only found in building healthy, trustworthy, face-to-face relationships.
Twitter will die if we remain lonely.
Build Face-To-Face Trust
We trust our machines, but we do not trust people. Into this culture of relational pessimism God has placed Christians, with a wonderful opportunity to display honesty and trust. And trust is built best when it is built face-to-face. God designed it this way. Being real and being trustworthy are essential characters we all must have in our lives. No amount of online communication can overcome a lack of real integrity.
