2. Church shoppers move quickly from love to hate; the unchurched warm up to you gradually.
It’s not uncommon to have a church shopper tell you how much they love love love your church on the first Sunday.
But over the years I’ve seen this pattern: People who love your church immediately and go out of their way to tell you how it’s the best thing ever rarely feel that way for long.
In fact, they often end up disliking your church just as strongly. And they’re vocal about it.
The unchurched (and healthy Christian transfer growth) is different. They might like your service, but they’re a little more reserved in getting involved or even letting their heart buy in.
In my experience, the people who begin a little cautiously or at least moderately and who gradually warm up turn out to be the healthiest church members in the long run.
Contrast that with a church shopper. Sometimes it seems like everything church shoppers love about your church today they will dislike tomorrow.
3. Church shoppers want your church to be like the last church (that they left); unchurched people don’t.
I continue to be amazed at how often a church shopper will tell you how much they didn’t like their last church but then ask you why your church isn’t more like that church.
Our old church had a men’s ministry.
Our old church had more singable music.
Our old church had far more mid-week activities happening.
Which makes me want to ask: “Then why did you leave?”
It’s actually a good question.
The unchurched, if they have any concept of a ‘last church,’ are usually opposed to some stereotype of church that revolves around judgmental preaching, boring services and outdated methods.
Often they’re railing against a straw man from the last generation. And they appreciate the alternative you’ve created.
4. Church shoppers blame the church when things go wrong; the unchurched take responsibility.
Somehow, the fact that a church shopper doesn’t like any church never seems to be their fault.
It’s always the church that lets them down.
In preparing to write this post, I put feelers out on social media, asking what frustrations people experience with church shoppers. Jason Stockdale, who pastors the three-month-old Hills Church in Memphis, shared this story from another ministry he was part of:
A couple had been to four to five churches over the last two years, I followed up with their “connection card” when they visited. They claimed they never could get “connected” at any other church, but really liked our church the few times they had been. Proceeded to then tell me the son plays competitive baseball six to seven months out of the year and the dad often travels with him on the weekends, the daughter plays competitive volleyball and soccer (pretty much year around) and the mom travels on the weekend with her. The mom worked nights as a nurse so they had no nights during the week available to get connected in a group and were rarely ever going to be at church together as a family.
I did everything I could to get them involved in one of our Sunday morning small group classes we offered, they lasted about six months and then he called me one day and said they were going to start looking for another church, they just didn’t feel connected to ours.
I think every church leader can relate. Sure, shift work is tough, but there are other choices in the mix that might have prompted more introspection and ownership.
Sadly, I suspect the pattern for this family might repeat itself again and again.
