I believe Lewis. He’s a smart dude. If you tell a humble person they’re humble, they won’t acknowledge such a thing. To them, humility flows naturally. It’s part of who they are.
Let’s be honest, humility isn’t normal in our culture. But there are a few common traits humble people share. Hopefully, you can look at these and do some self-examination. Here are a few ways to recognize humility in a narcissistic culture.
1.) You don’t believe anyone is better (or worse) than you.
A humble person might not be without prejudice, but he or she works ruthlessly to eliminate any form of it. Humility can’t live with prejudice. Prejudice stems from egoism, the antithesis of humility.
People with humility believe everyone is created equal, and they chastise those who elevate themselves above others while building up the weak and vulnerable. This is the posture of Jesus, right? He elevates the dignity of the marginalized and speaks harshly to the religious leaders.
2.) You aren’t afraid to say “I was wrong.”
Narcissism and self-absorption are calling the shots when people would rather protect their reputation than their integrity. Reputation is primarily based on external expectations, the person others perceive or want you to be. Integrity is primarily about who you really are.
Good reputations create large followings, but because reputations are largely built on the crowd’s expectations, rarely will you hear someone say the phrases “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong.” And people obsessed with crowds go to great lengths to protect their reputation. They will plead innocence, tear down best friends and family, even when guilt stares them in the face.
Humble people always chose the right decision over the easy one. They admit wrong and would rather lose followings than lie or jeopardize a relationship.
Jesus, the ultimate personification of integrity, often drove away crowds. Rather than catering to the masses, he told them what they needed to hear.
The fact that you rarely hear someone in leadership, whether in government or in the church, admit fault or say “I’m sorry” is alarming. What if we were more concerned with who we are than what others think about us?
3.) You build more bridges than walls.
Humility doesn’t separate, segregate or draw lines. Humble people recognize their flaws. They need others to fill in the gaps and correct their errors. They learn from everyone, especially those with a differing perspective.
When narcissism reigns, walls are everywhere. This is what made Jesus so amazing. He broke down walls, even ones the Law built. If your theology leads you to build more walls than bridges, I’m not sure Jesus is the center of it.
4.) You’re more concerned about the world you leave behind than the one you’re living in.
This is what made America so great. Despite the flaws of our forefathers and the generations that followed, almost everyone wanted to leave this country in better shape than they found it. And this desire was shaped, in large part, by Christian principles.
Humble people care about what kind of country they leave for the next generation. Humble people fight for the next generation, putting aside personal preferences. They see themselves as a small piece of a larger puzzle, realizing previous generations sacrificed a lot, sometimes even their very lives, so we could enjoy freedom.
In our churches, how much time and energy are focused on personal preferences and selfish desires? As the cultural climate shifts, many American churches refuse to adapt. We erect large campuses, and while there’s nothing inherently wrong with large buildings, I wonder if building campaigns prepare the next generation to engage an ever-shifting culture. Maybe so. Maybe not. I’m not sure. I wonder if many churches even care?
Could the church be losing ground in America because we’ve focused more energy on winning internal battles than engaging a hurting world?
Is it possible that we’ve focused more on worship preferences than preparing the next generation of leaders and Christ-followers?
5.) You listen more than you talk.
Our world is full of noise, a sure sign of narcissism. Everyone wants to dominate conversations and have the last word. In the rare case when we allow someone else to talk, we’re often thinking about what to say next, which isn’t listening at all.
Humble people, however, are listeners. They don’t need the last word because they’re not frantically searching for validation and acceptance. Listeners are a rare species in a narcissistic culture. When was the last time you met one? I know only a few.
How different might our world look if we listened more than we talked?
6.) You celebrate the success of others.
Humble people celebrate when others succeed. They don’t view success as a finite resource or a never ending King of the Mountain game. While King of the Mountain is a fun to play with friends in the backyard, it’s a toxic way to approach life.
Yet, this is where we find ourselves. Even Christians, unfortunately, are guilty of competing for things like the largest church or the most Twitter followers. And, whether intentionally or not, this often sends the message that life’s a zero sum game. Second place is the first loser. Rather than uniting under the cross, we compete for silly awards.
Only a truly humble person, one confident in his or her worth, can celebrate the success of others. This is incredibly hard for me, I will be honest. But this is one principle of humility you can nurture. Even if your intentions aren’t pure, celebrate when someone else succeeds. Keep doing it, and eventually it will get easier.
Imagine how different our culture would look if everyone looked for ways to celebrate others?
