Something my great-grandfather said once about children sheds some light on conflict in marriage. My great-grandfather was a wise, tough, hard-working Indiana farmer who was married for almost 70 years and together with my great-grandmother, raised nine children. He had a gift for boiling life’s challenges down to simple, memorable maxims. He once summed up the challenges of raising kids by saying, “Kids… When they’re little, they step on your toes. When they get bigger, they step on your heart.” That quote has relevance to marriage as well. In marriage, there will be times when you “step on each other’s toes,” so to speak. But the really hurtful moments happen when you “step on each other’s hearts,” things we should never do in marriage and wound your spouse on an emotional level. There are times when one spouse might intentionally try to hurt the other, but I’m convinced that many of the most damaging wounds in marriage are inflicted unintentionally.
I’m convinced that there are times when we step on our spouses’ hearts and hurt their feelings or damage their trust without even realizing that we’re doing it. Most of us have blind spots that lead to unnecessary pain and conflict in the marriage. If you’re stuck in a cycle of conflict, please watch this short video from Jimmy Evans on how to resolve conflict in marriage before reading the rest of this article.
RELATED: Great Marriage Advice
4 Things We Should Never Do in Marriage
If you want to protect your spouse’s heart, prevent unnecessary conflict and keep a solid foundation of trust in your marriage, then please DON’T do the following four things.
You’ll unintentionally hurt your spouse every time you…
1. Only try to “fix” the problem.
Men especially tend to be “fixers” and we want to jump straight to solutions as soon as a problem pops up. But this can be an issue for both men and women. You must first take the time to listen to your spouse and connect with them. When you rush through that time to connect, it communicates to them that they are unloved. There’s a time to talk solutions, but the first priority must always be to simply be there for each other and show your love for each other.
