The holiday season has arrived again, bringing a flurry of activity—parties, delicious food, time with family, gift exchanges, and gatherings with friends. Yet, for many, this time of year also stirs up an all-too-familiar and sinking feeling of loneliness.
Loneliness has become an increasingly widespread issue that affects countless individuals, including Christians. So significant is this problem that the U.S. Surgeon General recently released an advisory warning about the dangers loneliness poses to our collective well-being. These feelings can be particularly heightened during the holidays, a season that often emphasizes togetherness, connection, and celebration.
When faced with loneliness, there are two primary ways we can address it: by changing our external circumstances or by shifting our internal perspective. The first approach, known in psychology as the alloplastic method, focuses on altering the environment around us. During the holiday season, this could mean taking proactive steps to engage with others. For example, you might decide to attend a holiday gathering at your church or one you found online, even if you don’t know anyone there. It could also involve reaching out to friends via FaceTime or a simple phone call, expressing your desire to stay connected. These small yet intentional actions can help change the dynamics of your situation and, in turn, improve your emotional state.
However, sometimes changing our external circumstances isn’t feasible. Life can present obstacles that make it difficult, or even impossible, to change what’s happening around us. In such moments, the second approach, called the autoplastic method, becomes particularly valuable. This involves changing how we perceive and respond to our circumstances. For instance, journaling can help us process emotions, while reflecting on uplifting biblical truths can reshape our perspective.
One passage that can help recalibrate my circumstances during challenging times is the all too familiar passage in Philippians 4:11-13. In it, Paul writes, “…for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself…I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me.” These powerful words were written while Paul was imprisoned—a far-from-ideal situation. Yet, Paul found a sense of peace and contentment through Christ’s grace, demonstrating that our internal outlook can transform how we experience even the most difficult circumstances.
As someone who grew up on the West Coast, I like to think about it this way: Why not do both? There’s no reason to limit ourselves to only one approach. We can take steps to improve our external circumstances while also working on cultivating a positive and hopeful inner perspective. It’s not about choosing the “right” or “wrong” way to cope—it’s about finding the combination of methods that works best for each of us.
The beauty of having these options is that they offer hope. Knowing there are ways to address loneliness can prevent us from spiraling into deeper feelings of sadness or isolation. Moreover, as Christians, we can find comfort in the assurance of God’s love. His love reminds us of our worth and invites us to pursue emotional and spiritual well-being. Whether this means seeking connection with others, deepening our relationship with God, or finding peace amidst difficult circumstances, the choice is ours.
This holiday season, I encourage you to embrace both approaches as needed. Pursue opportunities for meaningful connection, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Simultaneously, reflect on the truths of Scripture and lean on the grace of God to find contentment and joy amid life’s complexities. I pray that you won’t simply cope with loneliness this year, but that you’ll experience God’s love in a way that inspires you to live fully and connect meaningfully with others.
