5. Make sure you have one pastor to every 100-150 congregants (even if they are volunteers).
The day I changed my staff members’ titles from “Director of” to “Pastor of” any complaints about my unfriendliness virtually went away.
Years ago I was sharing with a retired pastor friend of mine the unrealistic pastoral care and relational pressures being placed on me. He wisely responded, “It could be because you’re the only person with the title ‘Pastor’ in the church.” We were young. Staff were being created within the church and had little theological education (theological education is a huge deal for me). But they were pastors, and the moment I called them such (and accelerated their theological training) things changed overnight.
People need someone “official” they can turn to, and if you don’t have a 1 pastor to 100-150 congregants ratio, you’ll feel the effects. There are certain universal truths about the way congregations work, and this is one of them.
6. Publicize where you’ll be after services, and be there to greet people, every week.
The people in the church I serve know that after each service I stand at the back of the room until the last person leaves. My goal is to be available to have a word with anyone that would like to do so.
When individuals come up and start crying because of a heavy burden, I immediately invite them to speak with our prayer team a mere 20 yards away. For those that “must” talk to a pastor, I have a male and female pastor (or trained volunteers) on stand-by for all such situations, again, a mere 20 yards away.
I would suggest you have a similar set up for your people. Having a male and female pastor as well as a prayer team available frees me up to meet new people and connect with regular attendees. Without this I would inevitably be drawn into a single conversation that makes the other 15 people waiting to say hello eventually leave.
7. Open emails with “Hi _____” and end them with “Your friend, ______.”
You’d be surprised how blunt you can be in an email. It’s hard to gauge emotion through short, written communication. That’s just a fact. So as Senior Pastors we need to be strategic about the way we communicate. I always open the emails I send by writing “Hi” before I type the person’s name. That may seem insignificant, but trust me it helps. I know how I feel when I receive an email that is addressed “Hi Brian” vs. “Brian,” and so I’ve always wanted to respond in kind.
My friend Rick Stedman always ends his emails by typing “Your friend, Rick.” I occasionally do that, but that seems forced to me unless the situation is right. I have been doing it more and more, though. Rick would say he wants to be everyone’s friend, and he genuinely means it, so why not go ahead and say it? Good point.
8. Send one handwritten note a day.
Go to Overnightprints.com and order a cheap set of personally designed cards so you can handwrite one note to someone every day. Few people send handwritten notes anymore, so it touches people when you send one.
My rule of thumb is whenever I feel thankful for someone, or blessed by their ministry, I want to let them know it. Ever been to a funeral and heard all these beautiful things people thought about a person, but you wonder if they ever actually shared those feelings with the person while they were alive? I don’t want to go to the grave with unexpressed gratitude in my heart. I want people that have blessed my life to know it immediately.
9. Tell three personal stories in your sermons.
While describing his Senior Pastor’s preaching, a congregant recently said, “He spoke for 45 minutes, and 99 percent of it was the Bible.” Preaching is simply truth expressed through personality.
If all you do is quote and explain Scripture, people might as well read a chapter of a Bible commentary. People want to know you, so let them get to know you! Be personable from the stage by being transparent. Make fun of yourself.
I tell the Senior Pastors that I coach to tell an opening story, closing story, and one or two good stories in between. Help people feel like they know you from the stage, and the pressure will be off to get to know you personally.
10. Always give people “a look, a touch and a word.”
Robert Schuller (before he got all weird and self-helpy), was a dynamite church planter. One of the best pieces of advice he ever shared with Senior Pastors was this: Whenever you encounter people do three things: ive them a look (look them in the eye), give them a touch (a handshake or appropriate hug) and give them a word (say something encouraging to them). That’s magnificent advice for any pastor, let alone introverts. Looking someone in the eye, appropriately touching them and then sharing something encouraging with them is a powerful gift we can give people. And that’s my encouragement to you. Focus on giving people something—a feeling, or a confirmation of love or hope—instead of trying to change their perception of you. “Give, and it shall be given to you.”
11. When you meet someone new, find out their F-O-R-M.
A friend of mine, Russell Johnson, a Senior Pastor I interned with years ago, always impressed me by how he was able to make a personal connection with every new person he met. He was never at a loss for words. When I asked him how he did it, he shared a simple formula he follows during every new encounter. He asks them about their F-O-R-M: Family, Occupation, Religion and Mission (what makes them tick). That’s such simple, easy-to-follow advice. One of the keys to being effective in ministry is mastering two-minute connections with the new people we meet. Using F-O-R-M as a conversation guide will make this task much easier.
12. Regularly tell your people how much you love them.
We should find a way each week to tell our people how much we love them, appreciate them, pray for them, root for them and are thrilled to be their Senior Pastor (even when we don’t feel like it). Being in ministry is like being in a marriage. We speak healthy relationships into existence.
If we focus on continually telling our people how we genuinely feel about them (or want to feel about them), they will internalize that. I do this in my weekly “Behind The Scenes with Brian” email that I send to the congregation, in sermons and in social media. But honestly, I don’t do it enough. I love the people that I serve, and I want them to know it, every week, just like I want my wife to know it, every day.
