I would like us to begin a more formal process of addressing your struggle so that we can improve anything that has been inadequate in how we’ve approached the first possibility. But I need you to realize that if you persist in this area of sin, even with an optimal plan and support for change that we, as a church, will, as an act of love, need to conclude the final steps of church discipline—removal from membership. Our goal is that discipline results in restoration.” [This is the transition to having the initial conversation outlined in the “church discipline process” document cited above.]
This conversation would be had by the church elder who would oversee the church discipline process for this member. The setting would need to be somewhere that allows for a conversation of this depth. If a small group leader or comparable Christian friend has been a part of the stalled out pastoral care, then it would be helpful to have them present as well.
2. Crisis Precipitated by Hidden Sin – Common examples of this path would be: adultery, addiction, gambling, abuse towards spouse or child and comparable offenses that come to light in the midst of a crisis event. In these instances, the secrecy of the church member prevents the church from taking the earlier steps of Matthew 18:15-20 when they would have been situationally appropriate.[1] The duration, life dominance and impact of the sin merits a prompt call to significant change.
The tone of conversation as pastoral care transitions to formal church discipline would sound something like this:
“We know this is a very difficult time. Our desire would have been to be able to provide pastoral care at an earlier stage in this process. But the active hiding of your sin has not allowed us to do so. As much as the impact of your sin, the hiding of your sin is a concern to us; because hiding sin reveals that our commitment to our sin is greater than our commitment to Christ. What we currently know is [concise summary]. We know that [list of needs] exist around this situation. We want to care for both the immediate needs and for your soul in this situation. That is why we want to develop a holistic plan of care that will require a high level of honesty and cooperation from you. You need to understand, that in our assessment, if you are unwilling to engage with this restoration plan, then that lack of cooperation should serve as a red flag to a problem greater than the immediate crisis. We are committed to walk with you to address the immediate and eternal crises if you will allow us.” [This is the transition to having the initial conversation outlined in the “church discipline process” document cited above.]
It is advised that more than one church elder be a part of this conversation and one of them be the elder who will oversee the church discipline process for this member. The setting would need to be somewhere that allows for a conversation of this depth.
Note: A point of emphasis in this conversation should be that the discipline is not for the “size” of the sin, but for the member’s posture towards his/her sin. That is why the statement is made, “Hiding sin reveals that our commitment to our sin is greater than our commitment to Christ.”
