Christians must forgive. We understand from Matthew 18 and the parable of the “Unmerciful Servant” (Matt. 18:21-35) that Jesus expects us to forgive adultery and all sin.
But the divine command does not mitigate the emotional difficulty.
Forgiving adultery is hard—especially when there has been a betrayal by a spouse. This means counselors need to think carefully about how they encourage the betrayed spouse to pursue forgiveness.
Two Common Dangers in Adultery Counseling
Danger #1: Forgiving Too Quickly
The first great danger is pushing for forgiveness too quickly.
Why this happens:
- The pain of betrayal is unbearable
- Couples want to escape the tension
- Victims want to stop feeling hurt
- It seems easier to just “move on”
The problem: This often isn’t real forgiveness—it’s pretend forgiveness.
It’s an effort in denial that tries to live as though:
- Things aren’t broken
- The past never happened
- Everything can go back to normal
Why it fails: This kind of denial rarely lasts long. The pain and brokenness do exist, and without working through the adultery and its impact, the hurt will eventually resurface.
RELATED: How to Save Your Marriage After an Affair
A Real-Life Example
Evelyn was devastated when she discovered her husband Tom’s sin. He was the pastor at their church, and for months he had been sneaking around with his administrative assistant.
“I have to forgive him,” she said at our first meeting.
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