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4 Ways Men Can Combat Abuse in the Church

Learn from and elevate the voices of women (especially women of color)

As a Latina pastor, I‘ve often been excluded from the decision-making table in the church. Because of that rejection, it took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin. After much prayer and reflection, I realized that my story needed to be told. I found my authentic self and broke the chains of silence on my soul. My voice is important to God; it should also be important to my male colleagues.

Many women of color are no longer measuring their words or comparing themselves to their white siblings in Christ. They know they too have anointed stories to tell—stories of pain, stories of victory, stories of struggle, stories of strength, stories of valor, stories born in the trenches. Stop and listen their stories. Instead of becoming defensive when the stories of women challenge your experience and assumptions, allow yourself to be convicted.

Women are preaching and doing theology, too. Are you sitting at their feet and learning from them? Or is it easier for you to trust men (especially white men) because you feel like women and people of color are biased? In reality, the bias of white, male theologians is just as strong, and it’s even more dangerous because it comes from a place of power.

Abuse thrives and grows stronger when women are silent. When they speak and the world listens, sin is exposed; abusers are held accountable; and cultures are transformed. Encourage women to be tenacious in breaking the silence. Don’t look for reasons to ignore the truths women speak. Learn from women about Jesus and what it means to follow him, especially from women of color.

Hold men (including yourself) accountable

The church needs to hold men accountable—no matter how much influence they have. For centuries, the church has judged the sins of those outside our walls, yet we’ve ignored the sins within our own walls.

Let’s learn from the story of David and Bathsheba. David’s actions mirror the actions of abusers today in many ways. And, our attitude toward abuse is reflected in how we often tell this story, in that we blame the victim and fail to see the abuse.

Bathsheba is often portrayed as the villain, but she was the victim. She didn’t seduce David; he spied on her from his palace, then used his power to force her to sleep with him. When she got pregnant, David called her husband Uriah home from war, and told him to go home and sleep with Bathsheba (so that people would assume he was the father), but Uriah refused. So David sent him to the front lines, where he would be killed.

God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David. Nathan told him a story of “a man” who did exactly what David had done. But David was so blind to his abuse of power that he was unable to identify himself in the story the prophet told him. Men, have you been guilty of blaming Bathsheba? Have you believed that David’s only sin was having sex outside of marriage? Have you treated modern women’s stories of trauma and abuse by powerful men with the same disregard?

Have you supported leadership models that put all the power in the hands of a few men and make them accountable only to other powerful men? These male-only structures are dangerous for women. Work for gender-balanced leadership in your church, company and organization. Promote accountability whether you’re in the office, locker room or sanctuary.

It’s not enough to be outraged by the abuse around you. That’s a good first step, but your next move should be to examine yourself and those in your circles. Are you blind to the role that you, your leaders, your church or your theology might be playing? Are your words or actions reinforcing a kind of manhood that treats women as less than men, whether with patriarchal theology or with sexist jokes and gender stereotypes? It’s time to confront not just the men “out there” but yourself and the men around you.

My call to men in the church is this: Don’t deny your own brokenness. Don’t reframe costly sins as mere boyish mistakes. Let us instead bring a prophetic word to abusers as Nathan did to David.

God, give us humble, open and pure hearts. Empower us to work together for a better future. May we take responsibility for our own comfort with and complicity in the sin of abuse. May we, as one body, repent of our David-like blindness and take action to correct our assumptions and oversights. Amen.

This article originally appeared here.