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What Every Pastor Secretly Wants


After many years as a youth pastor and senior pastor, I’ve learned a lot about myself.  Part of that process involved being honest about what I truly wanted, which made me wonder if more pastors don’t have these secret desires, too. Here’s my humble list of three things every pastor secretly wants:

1.  A Best Friend

For a period of a few years, I was a conference junkie – I even kept the lanyards hanging on the back of my office door.  After a while, I realized that most conferences were the same and started pursuing coaching relationships.  I learned that I could pay money to have people who were getting it done mentor me and show me how to reach the next level.  While this was a step in the right direction, it still fell short. 

Coaching is greater than conferences.  But friends are greater than coaches.

I didn’t have a best friend in ministry, and that wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own.  Sure, I had people who wanted to learn from me, and I had people who said they wanted me to let them in, but I was skeptical.  

More than anything, I’m convinced that what pastors need is what pastors want.  Not a fake system of accountability that keeps up appearances, but a real friend or two who could handle any amount of crap.  If a pastor is struggling with something, he needs to talk to someone that can’t fire him.  He needs someone who will get in his face but not throw him out on the street.  That’s a friend.

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After two decades as a student pastor, church planter, senior pastor and leadership consultant, Michael Lukaszewski now leads the team at Church Fuel, an organization dedicated to providing insanely practical resources to pastors. He and his wife have three children and live in the Atlanta area. Learn more at churchfuel.com.