Recognizing the eternal scope and stakes of our lives—grounded in an eternal God—puts things into perspective. We must develop spiritual disciplines. For example, a vibrant devotional life can strengthen our hearts to recognize and to resist temptation. We must nurture our intimacy with God. That’s first of all.
Seeking Accountability in Community
We must also develop patterns of community and accountability. This starts with putting guardrails around ourselves and our marriages. I was struck by how the HR rep in the Cold Play kiss cam situation explained how it all began—she spoke of her marriage in a tone that the CEO then shared back about his marriage. Such complaining created a mutual connection point that both minimized the marriage relationships of both people, while also elevating the new adulterous relationship.
So, very practically, don’t ever complain about your marriage to anyone of the opposite sex. Don’t joke about your spouse, or create even a hint of an opening for putting down your marriage and your spouse. The little compromises compound into catastrophic failures.
Likewise, when we underestimate our capacity for sin and our moral vulnerability we’re in dangerous territory. We must develop self-awareness about our own personal temptations—and the capacity we have to sin. Secret sins often grow worse and cause greater harm, but acknowledging weaknesses and dealing with them early is an important preventative posture.
We can’t deal with these things alone. We need community. Denying or hiding attractions or struggles only makes them stronger, and openness with a trusted community can help guard against hidden sin.
For eight years, Philip Yancey was living a lie. But I’m sure it started with a small compromise, finally ending in this devastating moment for his wife and adultery’s blast radius. To the outside world, it all looked fine. He was the Yancey we did not know.
So guard your heart, guard your relationships—and your marriage. Any short-term pleasure of an illicit relationship is never worth the long-term cost. As it’s been said, we must remember, “Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.”
So I’m praying we will all be Christians and Christian leaders who live lives of integrity in community with others and ultimately coram Deo—before the face of God.
