Preteens and Teens
- Have you felt heard and understood by us as parents? If not, can you share some ways we can improve on this?
- How do you think we can better support one another’s individual goals and interests?
- Is there anything you want to tell someone in our family, but haven’t had a chance to say yet?
- Do you feel any additional stress or pressure to perform because of our positions within our church/organization?
- What has been the biggest lesson you’ve learned by observing how we (parents) have dealt with stress and struggle?
- What are some things from how we parent and lead our family that you hope to replicate when you have your own family? Are there any things that you would want to avoid?
How To Approach These Conversations
- Be intentional with the setting. Telling the kids that it is time for a “family meeting” typically means they’re in for a less-than-stellar conversation. Think about places where your kids will feel comfortable and less guarded—this could be on a walk, a long drive, at a coffee shop, or while playing a game.
- Ask clarifying questions and seek to understand the “why” and the heart behind their responses. The goal isn’t to learn that our kids really loved that time we took them to Disneyland, but the reasons why that experience mattered to them, which will allow us to invest in those needs and values going forward.
- Respond, don’t react. Sometimes, feedback can be hard to receive. In the event that something your child shares stings a bit, it’s important that we refrain from trying to justify our actions or turn the purpose of the conversation from curiosity to correction. If we choose to snap back or correct, we will likely cause our child to shut down. If anything, be quick to say things like, “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way.”
- Thank them for opening up and trusting you. These types of conversations can be uncomfortable for anyone at any age or in any setting. It’s vital that we celebrate the vulnerability our kids offer during these conversations and that we prove ourselves as trustworthy with the information they share.
